Coleen Nolan advises a reader who feels stuck in the middle but still wants to defend a friend who is getting picked on after a drunken kiss
Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my 30s and have found myself in an awkward situation with my three best friends.
We all met at work and I’m particularly close with one girl, who’s been ostracised by the other two. She’s probably my best friend (although that sounds a bit schoolgirl-ish), so I’ve kind of sided with her because the other two are being really hateful.
OK, I’ll admit they have a point. My best mate flirted with one of their boyfriends at a party when she was tipsy and dragged him on the dance floor where they smooched.
His girlfriend dragged him away and the whole thing was cringey. While I accept she was out of line, this guy is a pillock with a wandering eye and I have no time for him at all.
My two friends are angry with me for defending her. She’s sorry about what happened, and I feel caught in the middle.
I just hate to see anyone being ganged up on and I don’t think what she did was that awful – stupid and ill-judged, yes, but undeserving of the hate I’ve seen the other two spew on social media.
What do you think? Have these two friends shown their true colours?
Coleen says
I wonder if they’re giving the boyfriend a hard time over this. Your friend seems to be getting all the heat.
She was drunk (and now probably mortified), but it sounds like he was quite happy to get involved and didn’t stop it.
Look, it’s up to you who you decide to be friends with and you don’t have to justify your decision if you don’t want to.
These two women sound a bit immature – they’re definitely giving mean girl vibes – and while they don’t have to be friends with this girl any more, they don’t have to start a hate campaign either. I’m not condoning the flirting and smooching, but I think the friend with the wandering-eye boyfriend needs to look at his behaviour, too, and why she clearly can’t trust him.
I understand why they don’t trust her either, but your message to them should be: I shouldn’t be made to pick who to be friends with.
While I don’t agree with what she did, she was drunk and she’s sorry, and I hate seeing anyone being victimised, so I’m standing by her.