Coleen Nolan has some tough advice for a married reader who allows her spoiled pet to snuggles up to her at night, but it means she can’t get her own paws on her husband.
Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my early 40s and have been married for 10 years, and we have one daughter, who is seven.
I hope this doesn’t sound trivial, but our little dog – who we adore almost as much as our daughter – sleeps on our bed every night and it’s stopping us from being close and intimate. Basically, we have zero sex life.
Initially, we crate-trained her, so she used to sleep in her own bed in the kitchen, but after my husband and daughter had Covid one time and were isolating away from me, I let the dog sleep on our bed and she’s never gone back downstairs.
We love this dog so much and treat her like a baby, so have made a rod for our own backs. We have tried putting her downstairs and she’s cried and scratched at the door all night. We hate to see her in distress, so she’s back in the bed.
It’s even making my daughter jealous, as she doesn’t see why the dog can sleep in our room, but not her. Any ideas of what we can do to solve the issue?
Coleen says
Think of it a bit like getting a child to sleep in their own bed. The first few nights, even weeks, might be hell, but then it clicks and becomes the new routine.
Put her bed in a part of the house where you can’t hear her scratch at the door and leave toys that keep her occupied and give comfort. Try a ball with treats or a cone filled with doggy peanut butter and there are soft toys with a little heartbeat.
Make it cosy and, if you persevere, it’ll become her safe space. People who don’t have animals probably won’t understand your letter – if I had a penny for every time I’ve heard, “But it’s just a dog”, I’d be a rich woman.
Dogs – and in fact all pets – do become an important member of the family and you grow to love them so much. I had to have my first goat Poppy put to sleep recently and it absolutely broke my heart.
But while they are part of the family, you still have to be the pack leader and that means having boundaries. Also, playing devil’s advocate for a moment, just check in with yourself to make sure you (and your husband) aren’t using the dog as a convenient excuse for avoiding intimacy.