The powerful Netflix four-parter Adolescence, which stars acclaimed British actor Stephen Graham, has prompted discussion about the problem of young male rage in our society
Adolescence is the Netflix series attracting viewers from around the globe, all gripped to the tale of the 13-year-old accused of killing a female classmate. But as well as making for powerful watching, the show shines a worrying light on the disturbing influence of social media and misogynistic male influencers on young men.
Last week, former England manager Sir Gareth Southgate used the BBC’s prestigious Richard Dimbleby Lecture to criticise “callous, manipulative and toxic influencers” preying on young men online. He instead called for strong male role models and safe, real-life spaces like youth centres for young people to flourish and grow.
Youth worker Omar Akhtar leads sessions for 13 to 19 year olds at Mahdlo, an OnSide Youth Zone in Oldham, Greater Manchester. The youth centre, one of 15 similar centres nationally, has almost 3,000 members and Sir Gareth visited them earlier this month while researching his BBC address.
READ MORE: Everything to know about Adolescence season 2 and why it wouldn’t work
“I felt goosebumps watching Adolescence,” said Omar, who has worked with teenagers for more than seven years. The themes and the messages in the show were so powerful and really reminded me of so many of the things the young people I work with everyday have told me about growing up with the influence of social media.
“It’s an intense watch and parents will need to use their judgement, but I think all young people and their parents should consider watching the show as it raises so many important issues. We were thrilled to welcome Sir Gareth to our youth centre, and to see a national conversation developing around the topics he’s raised.”
Here Omar shares five things that any parent who’s watched Adolescence should know about raising teen boys…
1. Patience is key
In my experience boys typically take longer to open up about an issue that’s worrying them than girls. As a youth worker, we are trained to meet a young person where they are at, take time to get to know them, learn about their interests and build up a relationship of mutual respect and trust. It’s unlikely a teenage boy will open up to you about an issue instantly because you’ve simply asked them ‘what’s wrong?’ Let them know you care and that you’re interested in who they are and their opinions, and then allow them the time and space to talk about their feelings.
2. Find an activity
Finding an activity you can do together, like going for a walk in a park or countryside, making a meal in the kitchen at home or playing a game of pool can make talking about difficult things feel less pressured. Young people can find eye contact awkward when discussing issues or problems, so walking or cooking side by side makes conversation easier than sitting across from each other at a desk or table. As a youth worker I get teen boys engaged in doing something fun and active at the youth club – whether it’s sports, clambering up the climbing wall or trying out the boxing ring or the gym. It’s a great way to build up that relationship and take the pressure out of a conversation they might find difficult.
3. Male role models are crucial
It’s important that teenage boys have real-life, trusted male role models who are setting a positive example, and who they can open up to. This might be teachers, family members, youth workers or sports coaches. Many of the young men we work with haven’t grown up with a father figure, and until they come into the youth club they don’t have any male role models in their lives. They can find it difficult to talk about personal issues with their mums, and so instead they bottle up their emotions. This can lead to them becoming withdrawn and turning to their phones and social media. Last year we set up ‘Guy Time’ in the youth club, inspired by the Andy’s Man Club movement. We set aside a dedicated space where boys could come and chat with male youth workers, have some food, play games and relax. It was a great success and something we will be carrying on this year.
4. Listen closely
When a teenage boy opens up to you, try to put aside your own judgements or preconceptions and instead just listen. It’s tempting to interrupt or to become distracted by phone calls, messages, younger siblings or other demands on your attention. While we have dozens of activities and brilliant facilities here, the thing the young people I work with appreciate the most is youth workers’ uninterrupted time and attention.
5. Real-life is best
Phones and gaming are a big part of all teen boys’ lives, but they shouldn’t be the only part. OnSide’s Generation Isolation research showed that of the teens who use their phones the most, more than half want to spend less time on them, but they don’t know how. Encouraging boys to attend sports teams, after school clubs, community activities and youth centres all help young men to build confidence and social skills, make new friends and develop leadership skills. I see this everyday in our sports teams and in our centre’s teenage young leaders, who work with our younger children. These are the skills that will set them on their way to adulthood, and you simply can’t develop those from behind a screen.”
See www.onsideyouthzones.org for more information.