Communication expert Jefferson Fisher shared his top tips for spotting when someone is not telling the truth
A legal expert and communication specialist has disclosed a keyword that he says liars tend to use, which can assist you in detecting dishonesty in mere seconds. In a recent episode of the podcast Diary of a CEO, Jefferson Fisher shared insights on the type of language to be cautious of, which can serve as a clear indicator of untruthfulness.
Jefferson, a trial lawyer and communication authority, also hosts The Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where he imparts strategies for confident communication. He is the acclaimed author of the forthcoming book The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.
During the discussion, he unveiled various speaking strategies that command authority and several courtroom-proven techniques that can sway legal cases and everyday conversations. He pointed out that liars often resort to a specific word when it comes to dishonesty.
He explained that the use of ‘extremes’ serves as a ‘dead giveaway’ that someone is probably lying. Words like ‘never’ and ‘always’ are prime examples. To illustrate, he invited Steven to pose the question: “Were you texting while you were driving that day?” Jefferson responded: “No, I never text. Never text when I drive.”
He elaborated on this by saying: “Notice I said a big word. I said ‘never’. Never is an extreme. Extremes are a dead giveaway that they’re usually not telling the truth. Everybody texts when they drive at some point in time, even in your car. Never and always. It’s always or never true. So that’s a big one.”
Exploring the communication patterns that liars tend to exhibit, Jefferson remarked: “Second of all, I answered really quickly. I didn’t breathe, think about it or try to actually show you that I was trying to remember in time. I gave you a really immediate response.”
He then explained to Steven the effectiveness of slowly repeating the questions liars are asked, prompting him to inquire: “You never text while driving?” Jefferson elaborated on why liars might dislike this question, stating: “So what they’ll do most often is they’ll say, ‘well, I mean sometimes I do’, because now they hinge on that word ‘never’.
“So now they know, ‘oh, that’s a risk word’. And they’ll kind of come out of it and go, ‘I mean, sometimes I do, I mean, maybe, but hardly ever’.” Jefferson continued: “When that happens, what you typically want to do is give them an out. Now they’ve put themselves into a corner and they’re looking for an out. And a way to do that is to say, ‘if you were texting, it’s OK’.”
In addition to questioning the use of words like ‘never’ and ‘always’, Jefferson emphasises that silence can be a powerful conversational tool, particularly when engaging with dishonest or manipulative people. A moment of silence can compel the other person to reconsider their statements, often leading to the unearthing of contradictions.
He said: “Silence is the ultimate nemesis of liars because they create dialogues in their minds for you.” He elaborated that silence can induce discomfort, prompting individuals to fill the gap, frequently revealing their dishonesty or doubt.
He added: “When somebody is belittling you or being rude or being disrespectful, what we typically want to do is throw it right back because now we got to win. Instead of that, here’s what I would want you to do: one, you’re going to have five to seven seconds of silence; two, you’re going to ask them to say it again because a lot of time in arguments people take it back.”
Beyond identifying the signs of a potential liar, Jefferson also provided valuable tips for effective communication during conflicts. He noted that chosen words can significantly impact our interactions, shaping relationships and personal experiences.
He warns against focusing solely on winning an argument, which often damages relationships. Instead, he advocates for viewing disagreements as opportunities to gain understanding and resolve issues.
He highlights the necessity of controlling your breathing and maintaining composure during confrontations to prevent triggering the fight-or-flight response. “I teach that you never want to win an argument. When you look to win an argument, you will often lose the relationship,” he said.