Agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who, after a wild threesome while on holiday, feels her partner is acting oddly and won’t talk to her about it
Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my 20s and recently went to Ibiza for the weekend with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for about a year.
We went to a house party, which turned out to be quite a wild night, and ended up having a threesome with another girl.
It was the first time we’d done anything like this and I loved it and had no regrets at all – I didn’t feel threatened or jealous and it was a very hot experience.
The girl in question lives in Germany, so there’s no chance of us bumping into her again and feeling awkward about what happened.
Since we got home though, I’ve wanted to fantasise about this threesome during sex, but my boyfriend isn’t interested – in fact, the last time I started talking about that night, he shut me down completely and seemed quite irritated and annoyed.
Maybe he was surprised by how into it I was and sees me in a different way now. I don’t know because I haven’t asked, but I feel things have changed between us.
My attitude is that we’re young and this kind of experimentation is fun and normal, but he doesn’t see it that way. It’s weird not to talk about it. What’s your opinion?
Coleen says
I think it’s a mistake not to talk about it to find out why he’s irritated and annoyed. You might not have felt jealous or threatened, but maybe he did and maybe it just didn’t turn him on enough to risk damaging your relationship because bringing another person into your relationship is going to change things.
He might even be feeling that he’s not enough for you now if you’re bringing it up a lot.
You really have to be on the same page with something like this and, even if it felt like a good idea at the time, your boyfriend is allowed to feel differently about it afterwards.
This is the risk you take if you involve other people, especially if you’ve never talked about having a threesome before and it happened in the heat of the moment.
So, my advice to you is this, stop trying to turn your fella on with threesome fantasies and find out how he really feels about it and how you move forward.
If you decide that this is something you want to experiment more with, then you’ll probably have to find someone else who’s into it too.