A husband who hasn’t had sex with his wife in five years of marriage feels conflicted about carrying on a passionate affair with his first love, who he reconnected with following a chance encounter in a chocolate shop
A husband in a sexless marriage has been left feeling torn after finding solace in the arms of his former teenage sweetheart, and is unsure of what to do going forward.
According to this 37-year-old man, he and his wife, 34, dated for a year before he popped the all-important question, and he always assumed “sex would happen naturally”. This wasn’t the case, however, and a full five years after their wedding day, the couple have yet to consummate their marriage.
As explained by this conflicted husband, although his wife has tried to an extent, she hasn’t been keen to pursue anything else in the bedroom apart from foreplay.
He has tried to discuss their situation, but to no avail.. She has no desire for anything to change between the sheets, and is said to be “happy with things as they are”. Meanwhile, he’s been “longing for sex”.
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One year after tying the knot, the new husband was thrown into the path of temptation after crossing paths with his first love, whom he hadn’t clapped eyes on since he was 18 years old. He ran into the now 36-year-old during a visit to the chocolate shop where she now works, and joined her at the coffee shop next door when she hopped off on her break.
The former couple ended up chatting away as they had done in their youth, and she asked whether they could keep in touch. Text messages were exchanged, and they also met up when he was in town. Things started off innocently enough, but eventually took a passionate turn.
Writing into The Sun’s Dear Deidre column, the man divulged: “There was nothing in it until a day when, after a few drinks, I told her about my lack of sex life. She told me she had a high sex drive and she would be ‘happy to help out’.
“We went to her flat and the passion was off the scale. It felt so lovely to be desired and to actually go all the way. We’ve been meeting weekly, but I know my friend will soon get fed up of this going nowhere. There’s no way I would leave my wife. My wife knows I have been seeing somebody else, but she asks no questions, presumably because she feels guilty.”
In response to this husband’s difficult dilemma, agony aunt Sally Land, there could be a number of reasons why his wife isn’t interested in having sex, including “previous trauma, feeling afraid, or maybe her family home was one where it was considered dirty or taboo.”
Urging a different approach to the matter at hand, Sally advised: “Your wife turning a blind eye to cheating is not the answer. This is something you both must tackle.
Find a moment during a non-sexual situation to ask about your lack of intimacy. Why is she reluctant to let you show your love for her in the closest physical way? If this isn’t something you want to tackle alone, suggest some sex and relationship therapy.”
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