A pregnant woman has asked for advice after her husband asked if they could name their daughter after his first wife who passed away – and even his mum and sister are involved in the situation
A pregnant woman is at the centre of controversy after refusing her husband’s wish to name their daughter after his first wife. As she nears the 35-week mark of her pregnancy, the 29-year-old revealed on Reddit the couple’s name-picking journey took an unexpected turn when her partner, 36, expressed a desire to commemorate his late wife through their child’s name.
She recounted online: “His first wife passed away eight years ago. I’ve always been respectful of her memory. There are photos of her in our house, and we’ve talked about her openly. I’ve never tried to erase her or act like their history didn’t exist.”
Discussing the naming process further she said: “When we found out we were having a girl, we both made lists of names we liked. He didn’t say anything at first, but after a few weeks he told me he really wanted to name her after his late wife.
“He said it would be a way to honour her and keep her memory alive through our daughter.” However, adamant about her stance, she conveyed her discomfort with the proposal on the discussion platform: “He looked disappointed but said he understood. A few days later, he brought it up again.
“This time he had told his mum, and she messaged me saying how beautiful it would be and how I should consider it an act of love.” Family tension escalated as she continued: “Now his sister is involved too. She said it would mean so much to the whole family if we used the name. I still said no.
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“I told him again that while I respect his grief, I don’t want to feel like I’m raising someone else’s legacy. I want this child to be celebrated for who she is, not tied to someone she never knew.”
Despite his silence on the issue since, she notes he has become “cold” towards her, which has left her questioning if her stance was too harsh.
“I do love him and I know he still carries that loss with him,” she admitted. “But I also feel like I have the right to want my own first child to have her own identity. I’m not trying to erase anyone. I just want to be seen too.”
She’s now facing criticism from his family, who accuse her of being insecure and jealous, while her own mother understands but questions whether it’s worth the conflict.
Feeling as though she’s mourning the loss of tranquillity she expected during this period, she’s torn between standing firm and possibly being unreasonable.
In response to her dilemma shared online, one person advised: “No, and a mother-in-law has no say in the matter either. Naming a kid is a mutual agreement between the two parents only.”
Another suggested seeking professional help, commenting: “I suggest you find a family therapist to work this through with, with your husband. A child deserves their own name, not the name of his deceased previous wife. And you deserve respect and value in your own right. And I say all this as a widow.”
A third commenter weighed in: “This is the hill you want to die on and your husband is the AH for asking and for involving his family in the conversation.”