Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who’s feeling confused after admitting his feelings for his mate but she didn’t react in the best way
Dear Coleen
I’m 25 and need some advice on a close friendship, which I’m worried I’ve messed up for good. I’ve been friends with this girl since we were in year nine. She was part of my friend group, but I was always attracted to her; all the boys were. At school, I never thought I had a chance with her, so never asked her out and was happy to stay friends.
Over the years, though, as we’ve grown up, we’ve become closer and I’d say she was one of my best mates. My problem is, a couple of weeks ago we went out together and for some mad reason, I admitted to her that I’d always fancied her and would love it if we were to be more than friends.
It didn’t go well. She was caught so off-guard and looked embarrassed. She said, “Is this a joke? Are you crazy?” and the night was very weird after that. We haven’t been in touch since, which is unusual, as we’re on Snapchat nearly every day.
What do I do? I’m gutted she’s not into anything romantic, but her friendship really is more important to me. Can we still be friends?
Coleen says
I think you have to ask her that question. Tell her what you’ve told me – and although you’re gutted that she’s not interested in anything romantic, your friendship means more to you than anything else, and explain you hope you can still be mates.
She might say no because it’s changed things for her and it feels awkward or maybe she’ll ask for some space until it feels less awkward! Or she might make a joke of it and never mention it again.
However, it’s important that you’re honest with yourself too – is it really her friendship you’re missing or are you hoping that she’ll change her mind at some point?
Crossing over that friendship line can really change things. For example, she might not feel as comfortable telling you things or she’ll feel weird about confiding in you about a guy she’s met and be worried it’ll hurt you. How would you deal with it if she started dating for example?
I think you should start by having a conversation with her and if you feel a little embarrassed, then get the ball rolling with a message, but just don’t go back into the friendship hoping you might still have a chance because you risk getting hurt. Good luck.