With the world on the edge of its seat, waiting to see whether Trump will order America’s military might to support Israel in its attacks on Iran, Trump stepped out on the lawn in front of the White House…and made a penis joke.
After a day of Situation Room briefings, which Trump left the G7 summit early to receive, he said he still hadn’t made his mind up.
On the other hand, he did have the time to show off two 100ft flag poles he plans to put up outside the White House, because apparently it’s not sufficiently patriotic or something.
(The White House already has a ton of flags on and around it. The flagpoles thing is really weird).
Anyway, here’s more on the poles, Iran and all the other important goings on in Trump world over the last 24 hours.
Everything is fine. Here’s what you need to know.
1. He ‘may’ bomb Iran. Bu he also ‘may not’
When Trump started taking questions on the South Lawn this afternoon, many were hoping he’d give some more clarity on his position on the conflict between Iran and Israel.
Given he’s apparently spent most of today in Situation Room meetings, such hope was surely not unreasonable.
But let’s remember how squished Trump’s position is here.
Half of his supporters are calling on him to stand with Israel through thick and thin. The other half – a particularly fickle and noisy half – are demanding he keep his promise not to get involved in foreign wars.
Asked if he would order the US military to strike Iranian nuclear faciliies, Trump said: “I may do it, I may not do it. Nobody knows what I’m going to do. Iran’s got a lot of trouble.”
2. Trump’s running up a new flagpole
He’s so happy about the two new flagpoles he’s erecting on the North and South Lawns of the White House.
They’re “about 100 feet” tall, they’re “tapered and have a nice top.” Also, the “rope goes inside” them.
As he stood on the South Lawn showing off his enormous pole, he at one point turned around to the group of workers behind him to ask if any of them were undocumented.
Oh, and in case you were wondering whether the flagpoles were compensating for anything – the President straight up made a penis joke.
3. Trump posted his ambassador to Israel’s weird texts
Trump started the night off weird and got weirder.
Let’s take this deeply weird text, apparently sent by former minister, Arkansas Governor and chat show host -turned US Ambassador to Israel.
In it, Huckabee tells Trump “God spared you in Butler, PA to be the most consequential President in a century – maybe ever.”
He slathered the Donald with praise, before urging him to listen to “HIS voice” – presumably the almighty – when making decisions with regard to Israel.
“I don’t reach out to persuade you,” he wrote. “Only to encourage you. I believe you will hear from heaven and that voice is far more important than mine or ANYONE else’s….My job is to be the last one to leave. I will not abandon this post. Our flag will not come down! You did not seek this moment. This moment sought YOU! It is my honour to serve you.”
Calm down, Mike.
4. In fact, all of his social posts were pretty weird
The UK government is today saying its position, which it shares with international partners, is to work towards de-escalation in the region.
Obviously nobody copied the Donald into that memo, because his Truth Social posts overnight were anything but de-escalatory.
First he issued a threat to the Ayatollah, saying: “We know exactly where the so-called “Supreme Leader” is hiding. He is an easy target, but is safe there – We are not going to take him out (kill!), at least not for now.”
He followed that up with a post that just said “UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!” – presumably aimed at the Ayatollah.
And he cryptically claimed to have “complete and total control of the skies over Iran” adding that Iran’s “good sky trackers and other defensive equipment” were no match for “American made, conceived and manufactured “stuff”.
5. Trump’s assessment of Iran’s nuclear capabilities is wildly at odds with what US intelligence agencies said a few months ago
Trump was asked on Air Force One why he keeps saying Iran was on the verge of creating a nuclear weapon when his own director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard said in March that they weren’t seeking one.
She told a Congressional committee on March 26: “Iran is not building a nuclear weapon and Supreme leader Khomeini has not authorized the nuclear weapons program that he suspended in 2003.”
“I don’t care what she said,” Trump said last night. “I think they were very close to having one.”
6. Tucker vs Cruz: Whoever wins, we lose
I regret to inform you that two of the worst people are fighting.
Former Fox News host turned curiously pro-Iran and Russia podcaster Tucker Carlson sat down for a head-to-head with Ted Cruz, who is DEFINITELY NOT the Zodiac Killer, but does back Israel’s right to carpet bomb Tehran.
Anyway, the highlight Tucker chose to pull out of the reportedly two-hour-long interview, was him gotcha-ing Cruz for not knowing the population of Iran. Which seems like a weird thing to get hung up on.
I cannot recommend watching this interview. No good can come of it.
Here’s a list of other things you can do with two hours instead , all of which will be of more benefit to you and the world:
- Watch Back to the Future, Rocky, Jaws or Jurassic Park
- Read a book about Iran. Or Israel. Maybe a chapter of both.
- Cook a nice meal for yourself or your family
- Go for a nice walk. Maybe to the shops to buy a newspaper, which you can take home and read.
- Go to the gym, like you keep saying you will
- Watch Heretic, which I watched the other night and is a solid 7. Hugh Grant is good and creepy, and it’s talkier than I expected. I love a talky horror
- Tidy that room or do that DIY task you’ve been fretting about for months
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7. Kristi Noem hospital
Homeland security secretary and cowboy cosplayer Kristi Noem was rushed to hospital last night after suffering an allergic reaction.
“Secretary Noem had an allergic reaction today. She was transported to the hospital out of an abundance of caution. She is alert and recovering,” a DHS spokeswoman said.
We wish her a speedy recovery.
8. Stephen Miller’s back in charge of immigration
All that stuff about farms and hotels being exempted from the ICE raids, so as not to cause food shortages and prevent Las Vegas from crumbling into the desert?
That’s all off.
DHS has told staff it was reversing guidance issued last week that agents were not to conduct raids at farms, hotels and restaurants.
“There will be no safe spaces for industries who harbor violent criminals or purposely try to undermine ICE’s efforts,” a spokswoman said.
“Worksite enforcement remains a cornerstone of our efforts to safeguard public safety, national security and economic stability.”
It seems the more extreme elements in his administration have brought him back inside.