Eldest daughter syndrome has taken its toll on the majority of first daughters in a UK household – but especially those who come from immigrant background. But Home Girls Unite is here to help.
Eldest daughters raise your hands. Have you ever felt overworked and overwhelmed in your own home? Maybe you’ve been burdened by high expectations from your loved ones. You might have heard of ‘eldest daughter syndrome’ and we think it describes this feeling perfectly.
Eldest daughter syndrome refers to the heightened expectations and responsibilities often placed on the eldest daughter within a family, leading to potential emotional and psychological challenges.
This can often lead to the loss of a ‘normal’ childhood experience, due to the constant pressure of being the role model of the household. As reported by British Vogue, eldest daughters struggle with setting boundaries, constantly pleasing people and usually have a tendency to be overachievers.
As the eldest daughter in my household, I resonate with this deeply and have often felt that I needed to prove myself – and I know that a lot of women are in my position.
READ MORE: ‘Quarter-life crisis’ hits Gen Z as young people struggle with cost of living
Sara, a first-generation daughter from Syria now living in London, is the eldest of a total of three sisters, and at times, feels like she’s the “test child” because of the amount of expectations that are put on her.
“Being successful is very important in my household, and I’m always pressured to find new jobs and earn more. I believe I’m the test child, in a sense,” she explained.
But Home Girls Unite is here to help. The group was formed in 2018 by eldest daughters of immigrant families who wanted a space to vent, heal, and express their frustrations for simply being the oldest daughters in their household.
During a conversation with The Mirror, Yasin Bojang, one of the co-founders and an eldest daughter of an immigrant household, said: “We always saw that we found [the space] accidentally because we didn’t know that we needed it.”
“We specifically wanted it to focus on the eldest daughter because when the eldest daughter is born in a patriarchal household, she’s the next mom’s next best thing for help,” she added. “So, when the eldest daughter is born, there’s a theory called ‘bargaining with patriarchy’.
For more stories like this visit The Gulp or subscribe to our weekly newsletter for a curated roundup of top stories, interviews, and lifestyle picks from The Mirror’s Audience U35 team delivered straight to your inbox.
“That’s when the mum starts to bargain with the patriarchy because she can have a bit of her freedom back. But all the patriarchal systems are in place because the daughter is now taking on those roles,” Yasin says.
Home Girls Unite became a safe space for eldest daughters from all over the world to come together to support one another through in-person events, monthly support groups, WhatsApp groups, and more. Between March 2024 and April 2025, Home Girls United gained over 10,000 members in the UK.
To ease frustrations, Home Girl Unite hosts weekly ‘rant sessions’, which is a one-on-one with another eldest daughter that’s going through the same things as you are – someone you can relate to.
Yasin explained: “The ‘rant sessions’ are just spaces for a one-to-one [conversation], for someone to listen to you, because a lot of the girls have spoken about how lonely the eldest daughter’s life is, and maybe sometimes your friends aren’t eldest daughters and they don’t understand what you’re going through.”
Help us improve our content by completing the survey below. We’d love to hear from you!