Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a mum who’s unhappy her ‘fearsome’ mother-in-law is babysitting her daughter so she can go away with her husband
Dear Coleen
My mother-in-law is quite a fearsome person and I do my best to avoid her as much as possible. She’s patronising and it’s obvious she’s not keen on me and doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son.
She runs a party planning business and was short-staffed once, so I helped her out against my better judgment. It was awful. She was so mean to me and kept telling me off in front of the other staff and criticising me.
I can cope with what she throws at me, but she’s also quite mean to our daughter, who’s six.
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She’s shown little interest in her since she was born and is always “too busy” to spend proper time with her.
As a result, my daughter doesn’t know her well, she doesn’t like her much and I’d go so far as to say she’s a bit scared of her. She’s cried when my mother-in-law has tried to hug her, which was embarrassing.
The problem now is my husband has arranged a romantic night away for us – which I’m thrilled about – but he’s asked his mum to babysit. I’m worried about leaving my daughter with her, but what can I say without causing bad feelings? What would you do?
Coleen says
If it were me, I wouldn’t leave her with your mother-in-law. I’d ask a friend or another relative – someone your daughter knows really well and feels safe with.
Be honest with your husband and explain that his mum hasn’t put in the effort with your daughter and she’s a bit afraid of her so, until that changes, you don’t want her to babysit.
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Explain to him you’re really looking forward to this night away, but you won’t enjoy it if you’re worried about your daughter. Imagine telling your daughter she’s staying with Granny for a night and leaving her crying!
As things stand, I don’t think it will work for you, your mother-in-law or daughter.
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The good thing is, it might force your husband to talk to his mum about her role in her life. As for you, stop putting yourself out for your mother-in-law.
You don’t have to cause rows or stop your husband from seeing her, but you don’t have to work for her if she’s short staffed and be told off like a naughty child.
It sounds as if she likes to be in control and hasn’t got over the fact that her son loves someone else.
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