Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a lovelorn reader who’s desperate to get back with her boyfriend after she cheated on him while he was at uni
Dear Coleen
A few months ago, I cheated on my long-distance boyfriend. Well, I kissed a guy in a club and slept next to him that night, but we didn’t have sex.
I panicked and I told my boyfriend what I did a couple of days later and he dumped me.
I still don’t know why I said anything because nothing much even happened. And I don’t know why I even kissed this guy because I love my ex so much. I guess I was lonely and missing him, as he’s away at uni. I’ve really messed up.
I haven’t seen him since June and he won’t reply to my messages, and he won’t be home again until October.
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I’m really struggling to accept what I’ve done and wish I could go back in time and undo it all. My friends kept telling me I’d get over him, but I haven’t.
I love him as much as I ever did. I really want to get back together with him, but worry I’ve blown it for good.
I’m convinced he’s the love of my life – how do I get over him if it’s truly the end?
Coleen says
First of all, stop giving yourself such a hard time. You’re young, you made a bad call and what you did wasn’t that terrible. And you were honest with your ex. You could have lied to him, but you didn’t.
Look, maybe it’s a sign that the long-distance relationship wasn’t working. Being apart is hard, especially at your age when you have different groups of friends and your social life is a huge deal. A long-distance relationship requires a lot of work – maybe too much at your age.
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You could message him and ask to meet up when he’s back and see how you both feel, but it might be unrealistic to have an exclusive relationship while you’re so far apart. It’s a lot of pressure.
If it is over for good, I can promise you, as someone who’s been dumped and heartbroken many times, you will get over it and move on with your life.
It takes time, though, and you still need to go out and enjoy yourself with friends and fill up your life. One day, you’ll wake up and realise you don’t miss him any more because you’ve moved on. Good luck.
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