Laura says she visited the donor at his home for self insemination
A woman who had a baby after getting a stranger’s sperm for free on Facebook has “no regrets” but absolutely “would never recommend it”. Laura Coldman, 33, found herself single in August 2018 and was desperate to have another child.
Mum to a six-year-old at the time, she longed to give her son a sibling and turned to Facebook groups to find a sperm donor. Two months after joining, a donor messaged Lauren directly – offering his services. Laura sought reviews of the donor from a private group chat with mums who had children via sperm donation and says he came “highly recommended”.
She visited the donor in Sheffield, South Yorkshire, and at his house for her self insemination – and underwent three further donations over the course of seven months before discovering she was pregnant in July 2021. Her little boy, Calum Anthony Ryan, was born on April 21, 2022, weighing 8lbs 8oz at Royal Infirmary Hospital, Leicester.
Despite being the “light of her life”, Laura says she wouldn’t recommend sperm donation over Facebook – because you never truly know what you’re getting yourself into. She says she now realises her tot’s biological father “could be anyone – a criminal or have mental health issues” and she would be none the wiser.
Laura, a liaison officer, from Leicester, East Midlands, said: “At first I thought the Facebook group was a joke, but the more I studied the page, the more I warmed up to it. “The donor messaged me pretty much right away – offering his services. I asked around in a different private group to make sure he was legitimate – he came highly recommended.
“Six months later, I went to his home to collect the first donation. He barely said two words to me, I thought it was weird at the time. But I was desperate to be a mum again. It took four donations for me to fall pregnant with Calum.
“He’s my world, but he’s also non-verbal. I’m awaiting an autism diagnosis. I don’t think I’m neurodivergent – which could mean the donor is. Other mums who have had children with the same donor have children who have neurodivergent traits.
“I wouldn’t be without Calum, but I wouldn’t recommend Facebook sperm donation to anyone. You don’t know enough about the person. They might not disclose things about their past or their medical history. He could have been a convicted criminal or have serious mental health issues – I’d just never have known.
“I told him when Calum was born – sent him a handful of updates since but I haven’t spoken to him in the last year. It was risky and I don’t regret it because I have my beautiful son – but I absolutely wouldn’t do it again and wouldn’t recommend it to others either.
“You never truly know what you’re getting into.”
After finding herself single in August 2018, Laura decided to go it alone and have another child. In June 2020, she came across a Facebook group connecting hopeful mums with sperm donors and a man “swiftly” contacted Laura, offering to help her – leaving her intrigued.
“I was sceptical, but I asked around and he came recommended,” she said. “My friends and family were really supportive, even though they thought it was strange. I collected my first donation in December by going to his house. My friend drove me and waited outside – I didn’t know what to expect.
“The donor barely spoke to me and led my to a designated room in the basement of their home. It was like a waiting room, and 10 minutes later, he reappeared with the sample in a syringe. I inseminated myself then and there, waited 20 minutes on the sofa and went home.
“I did this three more times over the course of seven months before falling pregnant in July 2021.”
Laura gave birth to her little boy, Calum in April 2022 and says his birth was “emotional”. She said: “I couldn’t believe it when I held him in my arms. It wasn’t until last year that I realised that Calum has complex additional needs.
“He’s non-verbal and doesn’t register danger like a child his age might.I’ve had to remove the furniture from his room because he’ll climb every inch of his room. He’s on a waiting list for another hearing test and then a three-year list for an autism test and speech therapy .
“I believe that his complex needs are a result of the donor. I don’t think I have any neurodivergent traits. It plays on my mind all the time if he will ever talk or if I will have to look after him for the rest of my life. But he’s only three, so it’s in a way early days
“I don’t regret having a Facebook sperm donor – I wouldn’t have Calum if not. To anyone considering the same, be careful and do your research. I could have saved the money, but what’s the point of going for IVF when I’m not infertile.
“Even if you go to a registered clinic, you’re still taking a stranger’s sperm. At least I met my donor.”
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