Plain-old Andy and Sarah from Windsor have survived their first week without royal titles – but will they ever come to terms with their new D-list status? Daily Mirror columnist Jessica Boulton takes a deep dive into a scandalous showbiz week…..
There’s been no shortage of surprise announcements, shocking departures and life-changing decisions affecting celebland of late. And this week, it was the now-plain-old Andy and Sarah, from Windsor, who were waking up to their “new normal”.
For, in 2025, no big status change ever feels truly real, until that dreaded moment you’re forced to make it – drum roll please – “Social Media Official”. And for Andy and Sarah, that joy came on Monday.
First, Buckingham Palace’s web team were very busy removing all reference to Andrew’s now defunct Duke of York title from official royal sites.
And then, Fergie had to follow suit and change her X handle from the lofty “SarahTheDuchess” to a rather more modest and nondescript “SarahMFergie15”. Ouch.
All this, and at the same time, PM Keir Starmer was also calling for Andrew to appear before MPs to justify the peppercorn fee he pays for The Royal Lodge.
Clearly the pressure is now on for the former couple to find a new way to make a living. And having lost their Duke and Duchess titles I have some rather difficult news to break to them…
They are now 100% officially the most dreaded thing in showbizland… BORING OLD D-LISTERS.
Yep, they are too well-known to quit fame but too unpopular to land a spot on family-friendly Strictly.
That leaves them with three potential revenue streams: sitting around the house all day in Celebrity Big Brother (which might fit right into their skillset), sharpening their claws on Celebrity Traitors (but maybe a bit close to home) or trying to win back a royal title – of sorts – on I’m A Celeb.
In any scenario, it’s fair to say… it’s no longer just their home that’s low rent.
Too much? Tuesday
The Spice Girls have apparently implemented their special “rule of four” to push forward with a planned Netflix biopic in time for their 30th anniversary of Wannabe next year. Surprisingly it was Geri Horner who was the holdout on the project – but thanks to a non-legally binding pact the Spices made a few eons ago, the others have been able to push the deal through.
With Robbie Williams, Queen, The Beatles and Elton John all having had biopics in the last few years, you would’ve thought “Look At Me” singer Geri would’ve been gagging to inject a little Girl Power into the pop drama trend.
So why was she less keen? Some have suggested it’s because her marriage was already under the microscope after hubby Christian Horner’s scandal last year.
But I have a sneaky feeling it was something else. A fear about which famous faces may audition to play her, perhaps?..Although from a sneak peek at these EastEnders’ hopefuls, I’d say Posh is in a far more Dyer situation…
Woah! Wednesday
Most 12-year-old girls love to play dress-up. But when your dad’s Kanye West and your mum’s Kim Kardashian, I guess you feel the pressure to continually push the envelope.
And North West, 12, has certainly taken her look in an interesting direction this week.
For yes, instead of jewels and glam like her mum, North has gone for that oh-so-appropriate pre-teen look: “Post Malone meets prison inmate”… aka facial tattoos and a not-so tasteful diamond grill.
And no, it doesn’t appear it was for Halloween.
Mind you, you can’t really blame North for losing her way, sartorially.
Not after mommy dearest treated us to this shock ensemble (above, right) at Academy Museum Gala in LA last weekend.
There’s only one reason a designer should be pleased with this look.
When it gets a muted reaction on the red carpet……They won’t have to look their client in the eye.
Last dance Thursday
Talk about a Strictly bombshell! Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman sent social media into a supernova of a meltdown on Thursday, after posting their joint resignation video on Instagram.
The pair announced they will say ta ta, or rather cha cha, to the show for good at the end of the series, saying it was time to pass on the “sparkly baton”.
Claudia has been part of the team since 2014, but Tess has racked up a showstopping 21 years – and bizarrely somehow looks not a day older than when she first started alongside the late, great Sir Bruce Forsyth.
The question from many fans was “Who will replace them?” Bookies immediately backed the very, very dull and predictable suggestion of Holly Willoughby – or to use waltzing terms, the most “forward, side, close”* of picks you could ever get.
I’ve got a different idea: why not help the Beeb cut costs by using existing talent from other shows?
The Apprentice’s Lord Sugar could send the losing couple home with a cheeky “You’re tired!”, the Gladiators’ ref could start each performance with a rousing yell of “Dancers ready?”, “Judges ready?”, or maybe the new Match of the Day trio could provide a commentary – they are experts on fancy footwork after all.
Phwoar Friday
Netflix’s most ironically named show is back! Nobody Wants This returned for season two on Thursday and by Friday morning, it was clear: EVERYONE still wanted… Adam Brody, sorry, it (I meant “it”, honest).
The romcom between a sex podcaster and a hot rabbi was a smash hit last year, namely thanks to the kiss so scorching hot it could make ice cream melt.
And despite a rather unfair backlash after Kristen Bell made a near-the-knuckle joke on her 12th wedding anniversary this week (Google it because I refuse to give it column inches), the second series has once again soared straight into the Netflix Top 10.
The best thing I learned this week? Kristen Bell presented Adam with a Teen Choice Award for Best Dramatic Actor way back in 2005, when she was in Veronica Mars and he was in The O.C.
It’s rather apt because Adam was always my teen choice too… plus my twenty- something choice, my thirty-something choice, and to be honest my current choice…
* “Forward, side, close” is one of the basics of the waltz. “Basic” is a Gen Z insult for something that is very predictable and mainstream. And in other news… I seem to have adopted the Beeb’s responsibility to inform, educate and (attempt to) entertain.
What do you think? Have you seen anything funny with your favourite celebs this week? Let me know in the comments