Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for some well-meaning grandparents fed up of bailing out their grandchildren, with one being quite well-off in the first place
Dear Coleen
We have adult grandchildren and are happy to help them if they need a loan to see them through for whatever reason.
But despite working and having a partner in a well-paid role, one grandchild always seem to be running out of funds and is constantly asking for cash with repayment plans they have devised. We are talking loans of several hundreds of pounds each time.
On a couple of occasions, it’s been more.
This grandchild often misses their repayments, but comes up with what appears a viable excuse as to why they can’t pay that month, although, they do spend money on other things such as holidays.
This means the outstanding amounts build up and we find it embarrassing to have to keep asking for them to be paid – a situation that is beginning to affect our health.
We don’t know if we should close “the bank of Gran and Grandad” to that grandchild and suggest they approach the bank of Mum and Dad instead, although we suspect they have experienced the same problem.
Or should we tell them to approach their actual bank for any future loans?
Coleen says
As a mother and grandmother myself, I know this is a difficult dilemma because of course you want to help your children and grandchildren if you can.
However, it’s also important to have boundaries and, if they’re taking advantage of your relationship, particularly if it’s causing you stress, then I don’t think you have any choice but to close the bank.
The message to this grandchild should be: no more loans until the current debt is paid off.
Make it clear you don’t have a bottomless pile of money, and you can’t afford to keep lending it if it’s not paid back on time, as agreed.
The thing is, if you don’t stick to the terms and conditions of these loan agreements, you’re not actually helping your grandchild in the long term because they’ll never take responsibility for their own finances. In the real world, if these were bank loans, they would have to pay them or they’d be in trouble.
It might also be a good idea to make their parents aware of the situation, as I’m sure they don’t want you to be taken advantage of either.
And maybe there are other ways to help, such as finding them some professional independent financial advice on how to manage their finances better and how to consolidate their loans.
I understand that you don’t want to cause upset or awkwardness in the family.
But it sounds to me as if you do a lot to help out and everyone needs a reminder to be grateful – and to respect the terms of these loans.