One minute Audrey Williams Joseph was marvelling at her perfect baby at her 20 week scan and the next doctors said she should prepare for her son’s death. But her son was going nowhere
Born four weeks before the legal abortion limit of 24 weeks, Audrey was told by doctors that her son, Israel, was not going to survive. But despite the odds Israel became a miracle baby and her world changed forever.
A former athlete, Audrey, 59, of East Croydon, recalls: “One minute everything was perfect and the next I’d given birth and my world fell apart.
“’Non-viable delivery. Incompatible with life. A miscarriage,’ was the medical verdict. I remember the doctors standing there, shaking their heads as they looked down at my baby. I was waiting to hear ‘congratulations, you have a baby boy,’ or just waiting for him to cry. Instead, my world was completely shattered.”
A single mum, she says: “The doctor explained that I had given birth 4 weeks below the life viability threshold and that all I could do was wait for him to pass away. I remember looking at this tiny, fragile baby – his heart frantically beating through translucent skin, eyes that hadn’t yet opened.
Born at only 20 weeks – barely halfway through a normal 40-week pregnancy – he weighed less than a bag of sugar and, at just 8 inches long, was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.”
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Describing herself as “suspended between motherhood and loss,” waiting for her child to die, Audrey says: “I felt like an impostor in the most important role of my life – as a mother.”
But Israel was going nowhere. “Doctors thought he would die within hours of birth, but hours turned into days and days turned into months,” says Audrey. Ironically, when he reached 24 weeks, she continues: “Israel was considered a medical marvel and doctors came to study him, because no one born that early would usually survive. He had inherited my DNA. I was an athlete, a fighter and he had my ‘I will fight’ DNA.”
During seven months in ICU, Israel survived infections, procedures and countless blood transfusions – all the time, with Audrey sleeping in a chair by his incubator, afraid to leave in case she missed his final moments. “Israel had grade 4 brain damage on both sides of his brain. I was told that he would never sit up or walk, never hold a bottle – that he would be ‘a complete cabbage,’” she says. “But I taught him how to sit, how to crawl and how to walk.
“I held his hands and moved his feet until he was able to do so himself. When he learnt to walk, the doctors couldn’t believe it. Each milestone was a ‘win’ for us. Holding the bottle -win! Sitting up – win! Walking – win!”
Of course, the challenges did not stop there. “When Israel was three, he was diagnosed with autism,” says Audrey. “I kept trying to access support and services, but there was nothing available. It took me five years to go for a smear test, because I couldn’t take him with me – and I had no one to leave him with.
“I started looking for services that could support children like my son with additional needs. But none existed. I was ready for limited options, even expensive options. What I wasn’t prepared for was no options. So. I decided, ‘If none exist, I’ll create some myself.’”
Despite having no money, premises, business plan, experience or any staff, she persevered. “Funding applications fell through, because I didn’t know how much money I needed,” says Audrey. “Properties were hard to find, because I didn’t know what I was looking for and regulations were like learning a totally new language. But I knew from my own experience how great the need for respite was and every family I spoke to echoed this. Then I thought, ‘I understand my child – I know how to work with my child and others. I know what I need as a parent and I want other parents to have it too.’”
So, in 2011, Audrey moved into her mum’s house and started offering weekend respite breaks, from Friday to Sunday, at her own house. “This was to allow parents a few hours break at the weekend, so they could go to the hairdresser, or church, or a wedding or just go food shopping,” she says. “But in 2013, there were two parents who simply couldn’t cope any longer and left their children with me – permanently.
“When the weekend stay had finished and it was time for their children to go home, no one came to collect them. The families felt they couldn’t continue and that the children would flourish in my care. It was at this point that I turned my home into a full-time residential care home. I had five rooms and could accommodate two children full time and three additional children for respite breaks . Children could come for a week once every 6-8 weeks on rotational slots. The children who needed respite most were able to come.”
But space was limited and, only able to take five children at a time, she knew more was needed. “To meet the need, I ran Saturday clubs in a hall, where children could attend from 9-5 so their parents could get a proper break,” says Audrey. Many children were excluded from specialist schools because of their challenges, so I created an educational setting for them. I sent in tutors and my staff sat with them to keep them calm. We provided movement breaks and space for the children to run around.”
And Audrey, whose son Israel is now a happy 30-year-old, living full-time in supported living accommodation – who can walk, communicate his needs and loves cooking and shopping – has not looked back. “Today, I give motivational talks and lead an award-winning residential facility recognised as outstanding by Ofsted,” she says. “In just over a decade we’ve provided specialist care for more than 100 young people and their families with autism.
“I run 5 homes, catering for 21 children and I’ve now created two adult homes where children can transition to once they turn 18, with a carer. Previously, once the children reached 18, it felt like they were falling off the abyss. What started as a race of 1 child has become a race of over 100 young people. But this race isn’t about speed or perfection; It’s about looking at every young person with a disability and seeing their potential.
“Recently I watched a young man who first walked through our doors unable to make eye contact, who struggled to speak in complete sentences, be ready to step into his own semi-independent life. He represented not only my dream, but the dream of every parent of a child with disabilities – that one day, we too would see our child go on to live an independent, happy life. If we believe in their ability to flourish, when they do, they don’t just meet our expectations—they fly.”
Ayo Olopade, 24, who is non-verbal autistic and has challenging behaviour and OCD, first came into contact with Audrey when he was 16. His mum Donna Aolopade, who brings her son home every two weeks for the weekend, says: “When Ayo was 15 he went to an emergency placement, but it wasn’t suitable as he was just contained, he wasn’t given the opportunity to grow and develop.
‘“Audrey’s provision, ethos, values and perspective means that Ayo is developing key skills relating to independent living and is able to enjoy social activities. She is so mindful of making sure I am still able to be a hands-on parent, too. Since going to Audrey, Ayo has matured so much – he is considered non-verbal but is now able to use his voice to communicate his wants and needs and has been given autonomy to make choices. He’s developed social maturity and empathy too – he understands what other people need and want and is able to go out with other residents and access a day centre.”
Preston Sibbons, 19,who is non verbal autistic and has challenging behaviour, has been supported by Audrey since he was 16. Preston’s mum Lindsay Battle says: “Audrey is absolutely amazing. As Preston has got older he has become stronger and more aggressive. He has younger siblings and things became impossible at home – he needed somewhere suitable to live. It was a very difficult decision – no parent wants their child to have to leave.
“But Preston loves his home with Audrey and her team – he is thriving and so happy and I’ve seen such a dramatic change in him. He’s become independent. Things were so hard for our family that I used to want the world to swallow me up. Audrey is our light at the end of the tunnel. She’s given us our happy ever after.”
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