A reader tells Mirror agony aunt she will have to do things on a budget this year, and asks if she should tell her parents to tone down the gift giving?
Dear Coleen
I’m a married woman in my 40s with four children and we’ve been struggling financially this year, as many people have. We’ve been honest with our kids that expensive presents are off the list this year, but have assured them that we’re still going to have a great time.
My worry is, we go to my parents’ house every Christmas Day and they always make a huge fuss of the children and buy them stacks of gifts. My two brothers and their families will also be there and, no doubt, their kids will have the latest toys and devices.
To be honest, I feel embarrassed by our current situation and I know it’ll probably stress my husband out, too, as my brothers are both doing well in life and of course he’s going to compare himself and our situation.
How can I make this easier for everyone? Should I speak to my parents and ask them to tone down the present giving? I know my nieces and nephews will bring their expensive Christmas gifts to show everyone and I’m worried about my kids. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that I haven’t looked forward to Christmas. Any advice would be very welcome.
Coleen says
I love Christmas more than anyone I know, but I’ve never been into expensive gifts because, for me, that’s not the point of it. It’s the one day of the year we all get the chance to spend some proper time with the people we love.
It should be about giving yourself and your time, and sharing food, stories and laughter. Having said all that, I’m a mum of three, so obviously I understand the pressure of kids wanting certain things they see online or on telly.
Here’s what I think. Let your mum and dad spoil the kids if they can afford it – that’s what grandparents do, and it’ll take some pressure off you. I think it’s great you’ve explained things to the kids. Understanding why you can’t always get what you want is an important lesson. When my daughter was young, it was about quantity, not quality – she loved the excitement of ripping open a pile of presents. So I’d buy cheap multipacks of leggings, hairbands and little toys, and wrap every single thing individually.
Also, I think you could be selling your family short here. Why not just be up front that you’re not splashing out on gifts this year because you have other commitments?
My guess is, they’ll understand and be empathetic.
You could even reach out to your brothers and ask if their kids could leave any expensive devices and gadgets at home – I’m sure they can manage without for a few hours.
The best bit about Christmas really is being together, enjoying nice food, seeing the kids having fun, playing board games and charades, and watching cheesy movies. You can make it great for your kids without spending a fortune.