If you’ve felt that your relationship isn’t quite right, or you’ve been feeling ‘off’, there could be a rational reason for this – something your hormones know all too well
Hormones can tell you a lot more than you think. They can even warn you of red flags in your relationship due to the body’s response, an expert has revealed.
If you’ve struggled in your relationship, either mentally, emotionally or even physically, have you ever considered that your body could be hinting that the relationship is unhealthy for you? While we often look to our heart and mind for signs about our love life, feeling persistently unsure in a relationship without an obvious cause could be a hormonal warning.
If you’re looking for some guidance to help you understand your feelings better, hormone health expert Mike Kocsis from Balance My Hormones (balancemyhormones.co.uk) has explained just how our hormones can indicate something isn’t right in our relationships. They can even give us the crucial signs on when it’s time to call it quits. Expert Mike tells us more…
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Cortisol
Mike says, “Cortisol is the main stress hormone, spiking when you’re under emotional or physical stress, and designed to help you stay alert and react quickly in the face of danger. But in a difficult relationship – like one that feel unsafe, unpredictable, or overly demanding – your body can interpret everyday interactions as threats, leading to you constantly being in a mild level of fight-or-flight mode.”
Signs to look out for:
- Persistent exhaustion and burnout, even after a good night’s sleep
- Feeling tense the moment your partner walks through the door
- A surge in anxiety when in the presence of your partner
- Struggling to drift off to sleep and stay asleep
- Experiencing mood swings – or feeling emotionally detached
- Remaining on high alert even when apart, with symptoms like tight shoulders or a clenched jaw
Research has indicated that cortisol levels triggered by acute stress can be lowered by a comforting hug from a romantic partner for women, but not for men. If being together is more of a stressor than a source of solace, elevated cortisol levels are your body’s way of signalling that you don’t feel secure, that you’re in a state of emotional turmoil, and perhaps it’s time to call it quits.
Dopamine
“In the early stages of a relationship, dopamine is what makes you light up at their messages, creating the butterflies you feel and making you feel on a high after a good date – but in an unhealthy relationship, it becomes more like a drug. Dopamine is the neurochemical or pleasure and reward, that is often mistaken for passion, but becomes unreliable and can spike and crash, following a classic addiction cycle,” Mike shares.
Signs to look out for:
- You’re hooked on your partner’s company, compliments, or approval – even if it frequently causes you emotional distress
- You constantly revisit memories of the early days, longing for those times to come back
- You feel like you can’t survive without the relationship, despite it draining you
- You’ve given up on stability and are now just seeking the next “hit” of attention and affection
Research indicates that chronic stress can suppress the production of dopamine. In unhealthy scenarios, such as situationships and on-again-off-again, dopamine keeps you pursuing potential and what might be, rather than letting you experience tranquillity.
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Oxytocin
“The ‘love hormone’, oxytocin, is released in moments of connection and trust, and plays an important role in social bonding, empathy, intimacy, and thrives in relationships and environments that feel mutually respectful and reciprocal. Studies have shown that high oxytocin levels can cause you to feel increased anxiety in your relationships, and when a relationship becomes strained, emotionally distant, or volatile, oxytocin levels plummet,” the expert explains.
Here’s what to keep an eye on:
- Unwanted, unfamiliar, or insincere physical touch
- A decline in seeking intimate moments such as hugs and kisses due to emotional disconnection
- A sense of emptiness in shared experiences that were once meaningful
- A preference for solitude over spending time together
- Feeling overlooked, with infrequent or uncomfortable eye contact leading to withdrawal and emotional distancing
Oxytocin acts as the emotional adhesive that keeps couples bonded, and its absence can make you feel more like strangers – a subtle indication that the underlying emotional bond and affection have eroded.
Serotonin
Mike says, “Serotonin oversees your mood, sleep, emotional balance, and even memory. It helps you feel steady, calm, and satisfied, so levels are high in happy and healthy relationships – but if a relationship is emotionally taxing, insecure, and a source of constant conflict, levels decline leading to irritability, emotional instability, and symptoms of depression.”
Signs to be aware of include:
- A persistent sense of sadness or emotional numbness
- A loss of interest in activities that once brought joy
- Experiencing either excessive sleepiness or insomnia
- An unpredictable appetite
- Simply not feeling like “yourself”
It’s common for individuals to blame themselves for the mood dips associated with low serotonin levels – but if you notice your spirits lift when you’re away from your partner and sink in their presence, your body might be signalling the toll the relationship is taking and urging you to seek change.
Oestrogen and testosterone
“Oestrogen and testosterone regulate libido and sexual satisfaction, as well as energy levels and self-confidence. A healthy sex life doesn’t have to mean constant passion, but it does need trust, connection, and openness. If sex starts feeling like something you have to do, it could be your hormones telling you something is wrong,” the expert shares.
Things to look out for:
- Feeling repulsed or ‘turned off’ by your partner
- Emotional detachment during intimate moments
- Fantasising about being with someone else – not for pleasure, but to feel free and connected to another person
- Physical intimacy starts to feel less like a choice and more like a chore
A sharp and unexpected decline in sexual desire, particularly when it’s not linked to external stressors, health issues or age, could signal an emotional disconnect. If your body seems to be shying away from intimacy, it might be worth pondering why.
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