Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who’s worried about the dynamic of her friendship group now more than half of them are splitting from their husbands
Dear Coleen
I’m in a group of six friends (all in our late 40s and early 50s), and we’ve known each other for 15 years since our children started school together.
We became very close over the years, getting together with our families and going away on girls’ weekends – and our husbands were mates too.
However, over the past year, things have been really weird because four of the women in my friendship group are getting divorced – it’s just me and one other friend who are still with our husbands.
It’s caused several problems. It’s divided the group because the friends going through divorce have kind of formed a clique and it’s all they talk about. And it’s as if my other friend and I don’t understand what they’re going through and can’t join in.
I’m genuinely shocked that so many of my close friends are divorcing. I feel a bit cynical about it, like they’ve all jumped on the bandwagon.
I’m upset because it feels like my friendship group is disintegrating, and it also makes me feel a bit insecure in terms of my own marriage. I’d love to hear your opinion.
Coleen says
The thing about divorce is that it never just affects the couple. Families are affected of course and then outside of that it can impact friendships and divide social groups.
However, you mustn’t let what your friends are going through affect you and your husband. If anything, it should make you appreciate your relationship even more. I know it’s shocking so many of your close friends are going through divorce at the same time, but I think it’s to do with the stage of life they’re at.
It’s a point where you do reassess your life and ask whether you’re happy.
At end of day, divorce is stressful (even when it’s amicable), so I don’t think it’s something anyone would do unless they felt there were no other options. I also think it’s natural to veer more towards people who are going through the same thing. Your friends have formed a little clique because they have something in common and they can help each other get through it.
However, you might find that once the dust has settled on their divorces, your friendships will come back together – or a couple might peter out as these newly single women start to create a fresh life for themselves. Remember, life happens and things change, and it’s a weird time for you – but good friendships will survive.