Anxiety, stress and a lack of motivation could actually be a trauma response from your love life
One in five British adults say they have had an affair, leaving a trail of people all experiencing the deep emotional pain of betrayal. But trauma expert Chris Meaden is raising the alarm, as these devastating circumstances could be completely rewiring people’s brains, leaving them scarred and potentially even acting differently without quite realising.
The expert explained that your emotions have such a strong sway on your brain chemistry that when a deep-seeded trust like an exclusive relationship is broken “your brain treats it like a crisis, the same way it would respond to a serious accident or a sudden loss”. This can cause four symptoms that may otherwise be overlooked.
Feeling anxious, where your body is left in fight-or-flight mode for no reason or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, your emotions may shut down completely as some people are left “unable to feel anything at all”. Your brain may also drift back to old memories and conversations either to try to spot “signs you missed” or as an unnecessary reminder to keep away from things that could hurt you again.
The expert assured these symptoms aren’t just “dramatic” emotions, but each has a scientific backing in the chemistry of a “brain in crisis”. The anxiety comes from skyrocketing stress hormones and the amygdala “goes into overdrive”, making you feel unsafe, to keep you alert and prepared for the next blow.
Alongside this, your dopamine levels may crash, which can leave you feeling: “Unmotivated, drained, or like nothing brings you joy anymore.” Chris emphasised: “The betrayal isn’t just emotional – it’s chemical. And if you don’t actively work on healing, these patterns can stick with you.”
For people looking to start their healing journey, whether the trauma took place days or years ago, Chris shared some tough love: “Let’s get this straight: Infidelity is a choice. And that choice was theirs to make. Stop blaming yourself. You didn’t make them cheat. You didn’t ‘cause’ this. They chose dishonesty instead of communication. That’s on them – not you.”
The expert also explained that the brain can be “reset” to recover from the damage. He shared: “That’s where techniques like Havening and hypnosis come in. They work by neutralising the emotional sting of the betrayal. They also turn off the overactive fear response in the brain. Once your brain stops reacting like the betrayal is happening all over again – you’re free.”
Finally, it’s time to cut off and turn inwards as the expert urged people to delete the texts, photos and other reminders or even block them on social media if necessary. He explained: “Every time you see reminders, your brain relieves the pain all over again.”
If you’re also struggling to rebuild your own self-worth and confidence after being cheated on, the expert recommended making a list to remind yourself: “Write down everything that makes you a good partner, a good person, and a valuable human being. Because their betrayal doesn’t define you – you do.”
As Valentine’s Day arrives, many people could be facing a resurgence in their trauma response but the expert has a few simple tips to keep this at bay, making the day of love slightly more bearable for those that have been recently heartbroken. One of his first warnings is to avoid social media and the “fake-perfect love stories” that will be filling it.
Instead, turn to the other people you love. Friends, family, even pets the expert recommended. If all else fails, focus on self-love: “This might include treating yourself to a spa day, a favourite meal, or a night in with a good movie. This day isn’t about (your ex)- it’s about you now.”
The expert added: “I know it feels impossible now, but you won’t always feel this way. One day, the betrayal won’t sting anymore, and you’ll be able to trust someone again. And one day you’ll look back and realise you didn’t just survive this. You grew from it.
“But for now, be kind to yourself. You’re healing. And that is enough.”