A study of 5,000 working dads found a significant 75% want to embrace equal parenting – but still feel there is stigma around taking the time off.
Dads are still ‘nervous’ about asking for time off to look after their children, according to a recent study. The poll of 5,000 working dads suggests a whopping 75% want to share parenting responsibilities equally, but feel there’s a stigma attached to asking for leave.
Two-thirds reckon they would be give more flexibility if they had the guts to ask for it, but not without being grilled first. When requesting time off for childcare duties in the past, one in five have been hit with questions like ‘where’s your wife/partner?, while others have been quizzed on the urgency of their request and asked to sort out alternative care.
Apart from these types of questions, other obstacles to equal parenting were identified as dads feeling guilty about asking colleagues to cover their work (24%) and not wanting their boss to think less of them (22%).
For 69%, they still feel the pressure to be the main breadwinner of the household. Meanwhile 20%, said there’s a lingering perception that their partner is expected to handle all childcare duties
The study was commissioned by Working Families in collaboration with Wates Group, and backed by Parenting Out Loud and dad Shift. Jane van Zyl, CEO at Working Families said that while more Dads are speaking up about what they want ‘we still have a way to go to get to where we should be’.
Nikunj Upadhyay, HR Director, Land and Development Division and I&D Director at Wates Group added: “This research confirms that stigma and nervousness persist for working dads across the UK, with many feeling judged or questioned for prioritising family.
“Yet, our own experience shows that when organisations step up, offering enhanced, flexible paternity or partner leave and a supportive culture, the impact is profound. Fathers tell us that our 12-week policy has enabled them to be present for their families at critical moments, to share responsibilities more equally, and to return to work feeling valued, not penalised.”
The research discovered that 35% of dads didn’t take as much paternity leave as they would have liked when their child was born – with 6% not taking any whatsoever.
A worrying 13% wouldn’t feel at ease taking their full amount of entitled leave if they were to have another child, fretting about the impact on their career progression (32%) or even being replaced (22%).
However, this lack of flexibility is having very real effects on dads and their relationships with their families – as 25% have missed out on key events in their child’s life and 21% have had to rely on their partner having more time off or even changing their job.
Anna Whitehouse, founder of Mother Pukka and campaigner on parental equality, said: “Parents, particularly women, want options, not a life dictated by outdated expectations – yet more than one in five dads are still asked ‘where’s your wife?’ when they request flexibility, and one in five say their partner is just assumed to pick up all the childcare.
“Until we’re all playing by the same rules, women will stay stuck on the back foot when it comes to pay and career progression, and dads will stay locked out of the care they want to give.”
To tackle the lingering stigma, 31% believe employers should promote equal leave policies for all genders, and 28% think this could be done by highlighting positive role models of working dads in leadership.
Alongside improved policies and parental rights, a third of respondents believe that fostering more open discussions about fatherhood in the workplace could be the solution.
Elliott Rae, campaigner and founder of Parenting Out Loud, said: “Dads want to parent, but too often workplaces make it feel like they’re being punished for trying to share the load and families end up paying the price, with stress, strained relationships, and health all taking a hit.
“To combat this stigma, we want dads to be proud to ‘Parent Out Loud’, putting school pick-ups in the calendar, using your out-of-office to talk about childcare, being honest about needing to work from home to care for a sick child, taking all your paternity leave, and requesting flexible working.
“Equality isn’t just about policies, it’s about giving both parents the space to show up for their kids without fear or shame.”