Agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who has a crush on a colleague but feels so low in confidence after her husband left she doesn’t know what to do about it
Dear Coleen
I’m a single mum with two children and I’ve been on my own for a few years after my ex-husband left me for someone else.
I was truly devastated when it all happened and it’s been hard to move on because my ex was the love of my life. I didn’t even think about other men for a very long time; I just got my head down, focused on my job and tried to be the best mum I could in the circumstances.
However, over the past couple of months, I’ve developed a huge crush on a guy I work with and I’m not sure what to do about it. He’s all I think about!
I know he’s single and around my age, but he’s given me no signs that he’s remotely interested in me.
I suppose this could mean I’m finally ready to consider another relationship, but what do I do about the crush? Should I just hope in time it’ll pass?
I’m not sure it’s a good idea to get involved with someone at work, and I wouldn’t even know where to start in terms of flirting and letting him know I’m interested – I’ve been out of the game so long. Please advise.
Coleen says
It’s scary starting again, especially after heartbreak because you’re not sure if you can date or if you even want to go down that path. I think it’s normal to feel quite vulnerable, plus you and your kids have probably got to a good place post-divorce, so you’ll be wary of rocking the boat.
It is a good sign that you’re attracted to this man because it shows you’re thinking about yourself again and what you need. It’s nice to feel desire again and allow yourself to wonder what it might be like to be in another, happier relationship.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to take this crush anywhere or to flirt (if it is just a crush, it’ll fade away in time).
However, if you do want to get to know him better, then strike up a conversation to break the ice, which can be about anything at all. Start by saying “Hello”. If it did lead to romance, then yes, you need to be aware that if the relationship goes sour, you’ll still have to work together.
I know people who’ve left a job because they couldn’t stand to be in the same room as their ex!
Whether or not anything happens with your colleague, it’s positive that you’re ready to give romance a go again and open your life to new people and experiences.
Just take it at your own pace and don’t have expectations. Think of it as entering a new era of your life filled with lots of possibilities. It’s exciting!