Coleen Nolan advises a reader whose son is getting married this year, and she thinks he is making a terrible mistake
Dear Coleen
My son and his fiancee are getting married just before Christmas. I should be happy about this, but I worry the marriage isn’t right for him – they’ve never seemed like a good match to me. Don’t get me wrong, his fiancee is very nice, but just a bit too sensible and dull.
She’s very strait-laced and practical, and would never dream of taking a calculated risk or even staying out beyond her bedtime. My son on the other hand is the life and soul and has always been adventurous. I think he might be settling, plus she’s very persuasive and maybe even a little possessive.
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I feel bad for saying this and my son had no idea it’s what I think. I don’t know, I just feel a little sad he may not be marrying the girl of his dreams. I know he’d love to travel and see the world, but all she’s focused on is saving up for a house and planning for a family.
My husband agrees, but he’s not sad about it like I am. I’m worried I’m going to burst out crying when they’re saying their vows. I don’t know what to do with these feelings and would welcome your thoughts.
Coleen says
She may not be the girl of your dreams, but I’m pretty sure she’s perfect in your son’s eyes. Surely you’ve heard of “opposites attract”? Maybe they work well together as they each give the other something they don’t have. He might need her practical, grounded attitude, while she loves his adventurous energy. They kind of meet in the middle.
I think you should keep your opinions to yourself. Focus on the fact that your son is happy and that’s what’s most important. We can’t guarantee we’re going to click with our child’s partner, but we’re not marrying them. Also, you really have no idea what your son and his fiancee are like in their private life together.
My advice is to stop analysing it and just enjoy this beautiful time in your lives. You’re right, you should be happy. If this woman’s worst crime is being “too sensible”, then you’re good.
Maybe if you made more effort to do things with her and get to know her on a deeper level, you might change your mind and see what your son sees in her. And at the wedding, relax and have a great time, and make sure you tell people you’re crying “happy tears”.