A man whose wife passed away before last Thanksgiving said the teenage kids she had from a previous relationship have told him he is not their father and they don’t have to obey him
A man has sparked a discussion online after saying he dropped off his stepchildren with his in-laws after they started misbehaving following their mum’s death.
He explained that his wife passed away suddenly before last Thanksgiving which left him “somewhat broken” as he is now trying to bring the family forward despite his huge loss. He had two children with his late wife – but she also had two children from her previous relationship, who are now teenagers.
The dad admitted that the teens were never his “biggest fans” but said their relationship worsened since their mum passed away, as they told him he is not their real dad and they do not have to obey him. This has been made worse by his in-laws who have criticised him for not being “more understanding” of the pain the teens are going through.
READ MORE: ‘I refuse to treat my stepchildren equal to my son – I’m not their real mother’
But this has only caused further friction in their relationship which is making him wonder whether he should just look after his biological children going forward. He took to Reddit to ask other users if he was being unreasonable for dropping off his stepchildren with their grandparents and saying they were no longer his problem.
He explained his decision came after his stepkids asked him to stay a bit longer with their grandparents and to pick them up later. He refused because it takes two hours to drive from one home to the other, and at that point, his in-laws said he was being “too hard on them” and that he should let them stay.
He explained: “My wife passed away just before last Thanksgiving. It came out of nowhere and I am somewhat broken. To make it worse my step kids have decided that since I’m not their father they don’t have to obey me any more. They are teens and they have never been my biggest fans. They love their dad and I was only ever their mom’s husband. However when Deena was alive they treated our home well and me with respect.
“After she died they became a******s. Yes I know their mom died. It sucks. But that was my wife and the mother of my children. I am also having a tough time dealing. Their paternal grandparents are also shitting on me for not being more understanding of all they are going through.
“I have tried. I have offered them counseling. I have given them space. I have been there for them. I am at my wits end. The last straw was when we were over there for supper last week. I said it was time to go so I could get the littles to bed.
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“My stepkids said that they didn’t want to go and that I should leave them and come back for them. It is a two hour drive. I said no. Their grandparents said I was being too hard on them and that I should let them stay. I am having a hard time with two small children, the loss of my wife and two teen a******s without having my in-laws pile on to make my life more difficult.
“So I did. I also packed up their stuff. Instead of coming back for them I dropped off their stuff at their grandparents’ house.” He added: “I have two kids under five to take care of. I don’t really have time to baby two teens that are just making my life harder. My house is clean for the first time in weeks. My kids are sleeping through the night. My step kids are loving with their uncle in the same city as me so they can finish high school with their friends.
“Everyone on their dad’s side is against me. I really don’t care. I was told by both of them and by their father that I am not to try and parent them. So I’m not. I actually do not have any parental rights over them. Their dad was not even okay with me being a contact for them at school. So his parents bare the contact.
“My wife left behind a small life insurance policy which I will divide between the four kids. But I was the breadwinner in my house. I bought pretty much everything there for the last eight years. So now it’s all mine.
“My in-laws are calling me an a*****e for abandoning the kids but I have two kids that need me more. The older two have a dad as well as grandparents to help them. My kids do too I guess but they also have me and I want them to have a peaceful home.”
Most Reddit users agreed with the man, with one saying: “If you never adopted the step kids and if they have a father who is still alive, and if they don’t want to be with you, then you did the right thing. Their bio-family can look after them. And well done for splitting the insurance 4 ways.”
Another person sympathised with him and added: “I lost a parent as a pre teen and it’s difficult, you’d expect it to be for everyone. If you want to do right by your wife, make it clear to everyone the kids are welcome in your home, you’ll always be happy to have them around and want them in their siblings life and yours.
“Maybe sure they get copies of family photos and can access things that belonged to their mum- and don’t say just because you paid for everything that it’s your kids- their mum raised your children and that’s a job and she gave up some stuff for her existing kids to raise more kids . however it’s impossible for you to parent them with everyone reinforcing you have no say as you’re not their dad. It makes it impossible for you. Tell everyone else that they saying this has made it difficult for your step kids when you’ve just tried to do right by them.”
One more commented: “As long as everyone is happy, including all kids and yourself, I wouldn’t fret about anything as I cannot see what you have done wrong here. You haven’t left them on the streets, you have left them with Family and they are happy. If Daddy is so worried, he can step in can’t he!”