A woman has been left feeling devastated after she stumbled across secret notes on her husband’s phone that he wrote about her – and she isn’t sure how she can ever move past it
There are some actions you simply can’t forgive.
Relationships are full of ups and downs, and it’s normal to get into arguments over things that seem trivial further down the line. It can also be normal to have larger rows over more serious subjects such as money or a concern for the health of your partner. Arguments are inevitable, but what matters is your ability to talk through your differences and reach an amicable conclusion that makes your romance stronger.
But one woman said she’s struggling to see how she could ever forgive her husband after finding secret notes he had written about her on his phone – and none of them were positive. She said she was “heartbroken” and “crushed” by what she saw and had no idea how to speak to her spouse about the topic.
In a post on Reddit, the woman explained her husband is currently in therapy, and knows he will occasionally discuss their relationship with his therapist and touch on any “sensitive topics” before he tells his wife about them.
But after checking his phone for some photos he took of her – which she had his permission to do – she accidentally stumbled across some notes about her. And after reading them, she doesn’t know how to move past what she saw.
She said: “I noticed a widget of notes with my name on it and was curious so I looked. ‘My wife is fat even two years after we had our child. She has a pretty face, but even that gets lost in the frumpy clothing, zero makeup and double chin’.
“This crushed me. I know this was private, and he probably wrote it as notes to talk to his therapist about, but this is a bell that can’t be unrung. I just silently put his phone away because I didn’t want to find anything else. I’m heartbroken because I know now what he feels about me. Sure, our sex life may not be the best right now, and my physical fitness hasn’t recovered, but after reading that note, being ugly and fat is all I think about. I am just obsessing over it.”
The woman said she had been “reserved” for the past few days since finding the note and felt “too embarrassed and unloved” to even start the conversation with her husband about it. She’s even more confused about the note because her husband has “never outwardly expressed” those feelings to her, so she isn’t sure where it has come from.
Commenters on the post largely encouraged the woman to speak to her husband about it, and potentially even try couple’s therapy if she feels they need it – especially as her husband is already open to the idea of talking to someone professional.
One person said: “My heart breaks for you. That must have been really shocking and awful to read. You have to let it out and talk to him. Holding it in isn’t healthy for you. Maybe you can talk with a therapist as well.” Another added: “Talk to him. Communication can and does solve a myriad of problems. That’s a horrible thing to read. And your feelings are valid. But you need to tell him what you read. Marriage is only successful when we use our words.”
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