While many women fully embrace motherhood and the joy it brings to their lives – others find parenting a relentless quest. With fertility rates continuing to decline, a mother has candidly opened up on why she regrets having a child
When pop singer Chappell Roan recently admitted she didn’t know any happy parents during a conversation on the podcast Call Her Daddy, it sparked a fierce backlash.
The 27-year-old star frankly told host Alex Cooper, who has millions of weekly listeners: “All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age… [Or] anyone who has light in their eyes.”
The Pink Pony Club hitmaker’s words struck a nerve and caused a stir on social media platforms like TikTok and Twitter following the episode’s release. While one camp wanted her to be cancelled, the other felt Chappell had a valid point about parenthood. In the wake of the controversy, a mother who wishes to remain anonymous has shared why she “absolutely hates” being a parent.
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Protecting the identity of herself and her young daughter, she explained: “I always thought I wanted multiple kids. Then I had one – and I hate almost every moment of it. The monotony, the relentless caregiving, the way my life feels like it’s been swallowed whole.”
The former writer admitted she was in a near-perfect relationship with her partner before giving birth, but having a child almost caused them to split up. “I just want my life back,” the mum confessed. “I keep looking at the freedom I used to have – the spontaneity, the independence – and now I feel trapped. I have one little girl, and I try my best to be a good mother to her. She has no idea I feel this way because I make sure of it. I smile, I show affection, I do everything I’m supposed to do. But inside, I feel like I’m at my breaking point.
“I fantasise about leaving. I wonder when I’ll finally be free of the constant, crushing responsibility. I know how taboo it is to say this out loud, but I also know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes, I can’t believe I ever thought about having another child. Now, even the one I have feels like too much.”
She added: “She’s a tough kid – physically demanding, stubborn, full of personality. She throws fits constantly. And no, this isn’t a reaction to my energy because, like I said, she has no idea how I feel. But I never imagined I’d hate motherhood this much.”
The parent admitted she finds herself daydreaming about the future when her child will be more independent. At the moment, the tot is just 11 months old, and the years ahead “feel overwhelming”.
She added: “Before this, I was a career woman. A writer. I hadn’t published anything, but I was always working toward my dream. Then she came along, and everything stopped. I still try, but my hours are constantly interrupted, and I can never get any real work done. My world has shrunk to four walls and a baby that needs me every second.
“Meanwhile, my husband gets to leave for nine hours, interact with other adults, and come home for just a couple of hours of parenting. And it’s not his fault. He’s an incredible partner. He’s even offered a full-time nanny – we can afford it. But that’s not the point. The point is that I hate motherhood. And I hate that I hate it. Am I just selfish?
“My love language has always been acts of service, but motherhood is a one-way street. No one does anything for me. I do everything for her. And take care of the household responsibilities like cleaning and making dinner. I have become a glorified maid, and if I have any time left in the day, I certainly don’t have time to spend writing, working out, or doing anything nice for myself.
“And the lack of freedom is suffocating. I feel like I’m drowning in life. I didn’t imagine this for myself. I love my husband and my baby, but I just don’t want this to be my day in and day out. I’m riddled with guilt, but I also just hate my life so much right now.”
According to the Office for National Statistics, the fertility rate in England and Wales is at its lowest level on record. A spokesperson said: “As we have seen, the fertility rate in England and Wales has been below two children per woman since the 1970s. But the population has continued to grow over that time.”
They also said births will be shaped by socio-economic and cultural factors such as access to education, the labour force, childcare and housing. The current fertility rate is 1.44 children per woman during her childbearing years.
In addition, data from the UK Generations and Gender Survey suggests childless adults today are far less confident they will start a family, with a quarter of 18 to 25-year-olds stating they ” would probably or definitely not have a child.
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