I’ve never considered myself a particularly posh person. Most of my clothes are secondhand, my table manners leave a little to be desired, and although I did take a gap year, it was spent working 50 hours a week in the local cafe, not travelling to Africa.
However, last weekend, I got the chance to live how the other half does when I was invited to stay at Warner’s newest hotel, The Runnymede on Thames, near Windsor. This newly renovated hotel sits on the banks of the river, around two hours from central London on the train. The hotel is largely patronised by an older crowd, so when my partner and I turned up on Friday morning, our entrance felt somewhat like an old-timey western.
I may have imagined it but it did feel somewhat as if a hush fell over the room. I think I even saw a tumbleweed blow past our feet as the room of retirees stared at us.
Despite the initial awkwardness, we swiftly settled in. The staff were charming and helpful – and plus, we had an archery class to get to so there was no time to waste on feeling like the odd ones out.
One of the benefits of The Runnymede is it offers all you would want from a destination holiday right in the hotel. As well as its recently refurbished Live Lounge, there are boat trips, a spa, wine, tea and gin tastings, archery, rifle shooting and much more.
Our first item on the agenda was archery, which I was extremely excited about. Having just finished re-watching all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, thoughts of Legolas were fresh on my mind as we trotted down the path to the targets. In reality, I was a little less Elven Prince and a little more Dennis the Menace, but I still had a lot of fun.
After being quickly run through health and safety (don’t point your bow at anything that’s not a target), we set to work. I was absolutely terrible, but I’ve never let that stop me from enjoying myself. The air was brisk and the whoosh of my arrows missing the targets contributed to the cool breeze. After an hour of merrily firing at will, I was ready for a bit of downtime before dinner
Our room was modern and cosy, with a wonderfully comfortable double bed, a charming little balcony and even an Alexa with our itinerary already loaded into it, which was very helpful. Slightly less helpful was my partner almost wearing it out asking it to tell him jokes – not sure what he needs Alexa for as I am right there and also hilarious.
After a brief nap, it was time for dinner at the first of two restaurants in The Runnymede, Brassiere 32. Meals here are served a la carte and the menu was gorgeous with something for everyone. My boyfriend got the roast of the day (lamb, which is a favourite of his) and I opted for the duck duo with seasonal veggies. Both were beautifully cooked and the service was prompt and friendly – it really couldn’t be faulted.
After a long and restful sleep, we awoke refreshed and ready for a day of luxury – first up, we both had massages at the in-house spa.
We both had about 40 minutes on the table but I really wished it could have been all day. I opted for the “drift away” massage and I very nearly did. With aromatherapy and oils used liberally, by the time we reconvened in the waiting room both my boyfriend and I sat for about 15 minutes in silence, too relaxed to bother with anything else.
However, we had more to come—at 2 pm, we were treated to a festive afternoon tea. I have never experienced the British tradition of afternoon tea. Being from New Zealand, my idea of afternoon tea was a hurriedly wolfed-down jam sandwich and a glass of water after school before I had to rush to whatever extracurricular I had.
Here, we were seated by the lovely Anna and offered champagne before a tray of delicious and perfectly crustless sandwiches were placed in front of us, as well as a pot of floral Earl Grey tea.
We made short work of the sandwiches before tackling the tier of cakes – starting with a scone. My boyfriend was thrilled to learn that I am a cream-before-jam girl – something that apparently is a big cultural issue here for reasons unbeknownst to me.
After tackling the tea, we managed to roll ourselves out the door and along to the riverside for a quick walk before our 4pm gin tasting.
The hotel is perfectly situated for ramblers – a towpath allows for the perfect stroll along the Thames, and a great view of all the charming houseboats that populate its banks.
Once we had our brisk autumnal walk, we headed through to the second bar in the hotel where bar tenders Kieran and Millie were waiting for us with three bottles of gin ripe for the tasting.
I might not be much of a wine drinker, but I do love a gin so this was essentially my dream. Kieran and Millie offered us first the gins straight, before adding aromatics to bring out the more subtle flavours and finally finishing them with tonics.
They were friendly, funny and very knowledgeable, as well as tolerant of my boyfriend’s and my ignorance. When we were asked what notes we could taste in the different gins, they accepted every answer, from seawater and girly perfume (my guesses) to juniper, copper, and citrus (my slightly more reasonable partner) before informing us of the real origins.
After essentially six quite strong gins, both my partner and I were ever so slightly unsteady on our feet as we headed to dinner at Market Kitchen, which offers a buffet dinner that can be enjoyed next to the roaring fire in the main dining room. I opted for a slightly strange fusion of roasted ham with gravy and a hoisin and duck bao bun, which was delicious, before we helped ourselves to an array of beautiful desserts, including a realistic and entirely edible chocolate flower pot.
All in all, my weekend of luxury was a wonderfully weird experience. There is a slight pleasure in being the youngest guest at a hotel, and everyone we met, from staff to guests, was wonderfully polite, funny, and kind. It was the perfect, restful staycation.