After filing for divorce, Ana Clarke found herself ‘trapped’ and unable to move out. As Paddy and Christine McGuinness finally put their marital home up for sale three years after their split, she knows all too well the agony that comes from being forced to live with an ex…
News that Paddy and Christine McGuinness are finally selling up having lived together for three years after their split resonates with Ana Clarke. She shared a home with her husband and their son Noah, 9, for a year after their marriage ended and understands how difficult this can be.
Christine, 36, whose marriage to Top Gear host Paddy, 51, ended in June 2022, is “at the end of her tether” and can’t carry on living with him, according to those close to her. But Paddy has spoken positively of their arrangement, describing being at home with their kids Felicity, eight, and 11-year-old twins Leo and Penelope – all of whom have autism – as “great.”
Their children’s welfare was the primary concern for both the McGuinnesses – whose seven bedroom Cheshire mansion is now on sale for £6.5 million – and Ana Clarke, after their marriages ended. And they are not alone. There are currently around nine million Brits living with an ex, according to a survey by insurance company Direct Line – up from 2.87 million in 2014.
Forty seven percent of them can’t afford to live separately, while 17% are staying together as they don’t want to leave their children. Daniel Copley, consumer expert at property website Zoopla says: “The cost of renting and moving home means that this may be a more common occurrence than you think.”
After ending her eight year marriage to husband Charles (not his real name) in September 2023 Ana, a life coach and business strategist, continued living with him for 14 months – partly for financial reasons, but also to help Noah to accept the split. Now living in a three-bedroom house in Tonbridge, Kent, seven minutes from the former marital home, Ana says: “At times it was hard, I felt trapped and didn’t want to live in limbo – I was keen to get on with my new life.
“But it felt right too. It made it so much easier for Noah and my now 15 year old stepson to come to terms with the divorce. It also means that Charles and I have left on the best of terms. Our marriage began and ended beautifully – I still love him as a friend and my child’s father. If we can do this despite my having met someone else I think there’s potential for anyone to if they want to.”
But Ellie Coverdale, Therapist and editor at Ukwritings.com, warns that post-split cohabiting can be even more difficult for children, if their parents don’t get on. She says: “For children it can be actually confusing to see their parents living together but no longer as a couple.
“It’s important that the parents keep things clear and set boundaries.” But Ana agrees with Christine McGuinness, who has said not all splits are the same. Christine said: “Of course when you see a couple split or divorce, you expect them instantly to move out or go separate ways and start your own life and for us that was never going to work. It has to be slow.”
Ana adds: “Every couple has to do what’s right for them, it isn’t always easy.” Ana met Charles online in November 2013, moving in with him in April 2014. He proposed the following month on a trip to Paris. “He organised everything,” remembers Ana. “It was so romantic, when he got down on one knee, everyone cheered.”
Tying the knot in Rye town hall in October 2015 in front of 100 guests, she recalls: “It was a beautiful day. I was five months pregnant by then. We decided to start trying before the wedding, as we thought it would take a while, but it didn’t! We were both really, really happy. I never imagined we’d end up divorced.”
Sadly, within two months of their big day Ana’s father died, then she had a traumatic birth with Noah. She says: “It was a lot to contend with. I suffered from post-natal depression and I was grieving for my father. I wasn’t myself. That was the first fracture in our relationship.”
They tried to recreate the early magic, but it didn’t work. Ana says: “We loved each other and our family life. I desperately wanted to get back to how it was at the beginning, but we couldn’t find our way there. But we were fond and loving towards each other.
“I don’t know what might have happened if I hadn’t met someone else, but I did – at a philosophy class I started going to in September 2021. I gradually realised I was looking forward to the weekly classes not because of the discussions but because I’d see him.”
But both Ana and her new love interest were married. “We eventually admitted our feelings to each other and before we kissed we told our respective spouses – as neither of us wanted to be dishonest.” In September 2023, Ana told Charles. She says: “I felt awful, it came out of the blue to him. It was a difficult conversation but that’s when we agreed to take everything slowly. We didn’t even tell anyone we were divorcing for a month or so.
“We just kept talking. At the beginning he went into ‘perfect husband’ mode, helping more around the house and buying me flowers. That made me angry, it was too little too late. I don’t think he was still in love with me, but he was frightened of the unknown. On a practical note nothing changed. We’d stopped sleeping in the same room a couple of years before anyway. I carried on cooking for the whole family, we ate together, worked around each other’s routines and I continued washing his clothes.
“But we also agreed that I’d stay away with my new man, who’d moved back in with his parents, every Wednesday and Sunday night. Charles was amazing about that. And my new partner trusted me and supported my decision to stay at home. We started talking about the logistics of our divorce gradually. Financially I couldn’t move out immediately – we didn’t have the money.
“And I didn’t want Noah to have to move into a rented property while we sorted it out, only to go through the upheaval of moving again once I could buy my own place. And they were honest with Noah. We told him that we were splitting up, but that we were still friends and we’d work it out in a way that was best for him,” says Ana. “We’ve stuck to that.
“We didn’t get solicitors involved and we didn’t discuss it with friends and family – we didn’t want to be influenced by third parties. We just got on with life.” They decided Charles would buy Ana out of the marital home, but it took time to get the money together.
Ana says: “I empathise with Christine McGuinness because, at times, I did feel trapped. I’d made my decision and wanted to start my new life. But at other times I was so happy we were taking it slowly for Noah. And it was better for us, as we stayed friends. We didn’t want a nasty atmosphere for the children – my stepson lived with us 50% of the time.”
Not rushing enabled Ana to find her dream home and to involve Noah in the process. She says, “It’s close to the family home and school as we agreed. He had time to choose his furniture and we managed to turn it into something exciting for him.” When Ana got her keys in November 2024 – a month after their decree absolute came through – Charles helped her pack up the house and move.
“It was bittersweet,” says Ana. “I longed for the fresh start but I was sad that something that started out with so much promise had ended. At least our friendship was intact. And we’d had a year to grieve together. I even left them dinner ready for that night. I’m happy in my new home. Charles and I co-parent and we go to judo matches and parents evenings together.”
“Noah’s teacher even congratulated us as she hadn’t noticed any ill effects for Noah at all. Charles is happier too. And I hope to move in with my new partner but, just like I dismantled my old living arrangement slowly, I’m not in a rush to construct anything new. The way I see it is that you shouldn’t let society, friends or family dictate how you separate. It should be whatever works for you.”
Charles, 45, who works in customer services, says: “These things happen in life, you move on and fall out of love, and the vital thing is to make things as good as possible for the children. I’m happy and have no regrets.”
- Most couples who live together after a split only cohabit for around four months, according to a study by insurance company Direct Line.
- One in 10 of those who still live under the same roof have done so for more than 10 months, according to the DL survey of 2003 adults, conducted by Opinium.
- One in 8 exes who still cohabit are forced to share a bedroom, according to housing website Zoopla.
- `During their time cohabiting after a split, 15% of people see their ex meet someone else, with some even agreeing for their ex’s new partner to sleep over.