Agony aunt Coleen Nolan offers some advice to a reader who has got back together with a teenage sweetheart but who is now paranoid about him seeing other women because she saw a text from an ex
A few months ago, I rekindled a romance with my teenage sweetheart. When we got together we were only 17 and he was my first proper boyfriend. We broke up when I went off to university, but have stayed good friends over the past 10 years.
He always made it clear he’d like us to be more than friends, but I was always dating someone else and I never really took him seriously.
However, I broke up with a long-term boyfriend and we then started seeing a lot more of each other for drinks and dinner. We got really close and decided to find out if we could be a couple. I was worried it would be cringe, but it felt really natural. The sex is good, plus we know each other so well and have such a good time together.
My problem is, we were away for a night recently (a birthday treat for me) and a text from an ex-girlfriend popped up on his phone, so I looked at the chat history. I know it was bad to snoop, but I did.
The conversations were innocent, but it bugged me that he didn’t tell me he was in touch with her.
Before we were dating, I used to tease him about being a bit of a player and sleeping with lots of women, so this text made me paranoid. I asked him about it and he apologised, saying they’d stayed in touch as mates and there was nothing in it.
However, I can’t help worrying that I’ve spoiled our friendship for a romance that isn’t going anywhere. How can I be sure he’s not texting her and loads of other women?
OK, so this text has triggered a trust issue because you know all about his dating history. However, I think you’re rushing to judgment here. Give him a chance!
He wants to be in a relationship with you and you’ve known each other for years, so I doubt he’d risk blowing it all up.
You both have a dating history, so maybe you need a conversation where you agree on boundaries in terms of being in touch with ex-partners.
When exes are in the mix, it can be hard to move on as a couple and give your relationship the best chance. But I think it depends on the ex and what kind of relationship you have with them.
You sound happy in every other respect and the truth is, the relationship has gone way past friendship.
It can be tricky to go back to being just friends and, if you do, you may find things get messy and you either fall into the rut of “friends with benefits” or get jealous when the other gets a new partner.
You’ve taken the relationship to a new level so, if it’s going to work, you need to focus less on his past and he needs to move his mindset away from single guy mode.