A woman shared her heartache after discovering a family secret her family had been hiding for 24 long years – and now she doesn’t know what to do moving forward
While some parents choose to tell their children about their adoption from day one, others keep the information from them until they’re ‘old enough to understand it’. That’s exactly what one mum decided to do after adopting her daughter as an infant – but the ‘secret’ ended up causing issues later in their lives.
The daughter secretly took a DNA test with 23andMe after realising things in her life “weren’t adding up” and noticing her mum’s “weird” behaviour whenever she’d ask her about her early years. She said on Reddit: “Growing up I was always suspicious of my situation. I sort of look like my parents but I’d never seen a picture of my mum pregnant, she got really defensive when shows about teenage pregnancies or infertility would come on TV, I’d found adoption magazines in the garage as a kid.
“And the one thing I never really settled on was my mother had fertility trouble, was in her late 40s, and somehow took a trip while super pregnant and I ended up born in another state in a random town?
“It never really added up but if I ever talked to friends about it they said I was crazy. So I took a DNA test last year, at aged 24, to lay my suspicions to rest.”
She came to learn she is nearly 100% English, Irish and Scottish – and she says her parents have 0% of these regions in their DNA.
The woman added: “My father passed away a few years back without ever telling me. And when I confronted my mom about being Irish, her response was literally, ‘Oh that’s kind of weird isn’t it…’
“She’d been denying it and keeping up this story for so long that it really made me laugh she’d still try to keep it up somehow.”
After confronting her, she says her mum planned to tell her after she graduated college, then when her father became ill, then on a family holiday – but she backed out of all of these.
She said: “According to my mum, my bio parents were just college kids who didn’t want a kid at the time.
“She showed me this suitcase from the closet with my adoption papers and one old picture of the woman and some general information.
“Then when I went to get my phone she immediately closed the suitcase and hid it again. She didn’t want me telling my friends I was adopted or taking down any of the information.
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“I didn’t feel like getting into an argument over it so I let it go and didn’t remember enough of the information to be able to look anything up really.”
But then, she received a notification from her biological mum on 23andMe simply saying she would answer any questions she might have if she ever wanted to reach out.
Seeking support online, she said: “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, though I have nothing to say. I found her on LinkedIn and it turns out I have three half sisters.
“I also looked for my bio father, since I have his full name and now college name, on LinkedIn and I’m pretty sure I found him too.
“But he specifically wrote he’d like to pretend I never existed on the adoption papers. So I’m not trying to go down that road, just wanted to see what he looks like.
“I just don’t know what I want to do with this information. It was a lot all at once and I can’t tell my mom any of this or she’ll lose it. I try to talk to friends but they mostly seem uncomfortable about it.”
Commenting on her post, one user said: “Your story sounds exactly like mine! I found out two years ago at age 25!”
Another user added: “Respond to your birth mother exactly like you told us. You just found out. You are confused and don’t know what you want at this time but are not against being in contact with her.
“But do respond so she isn’t wondering. She probably took the test to specifically find you. It is pretty important to get a family medical history from both of them.”