I grew up in New Zealand, but recently made the move to the UK to experience the culture and food. And this week, I put some iconic condiments to the test.
It’s been a while since I had the chance to sample some authentic British grub. Having now lived in the UK for over a year, after moving from New Zealand in 2024, the list of things I haven’t tasted is shrinking.
However, there is one area where I’ve been slack, and that’s condiments. I’ve sampled the absolute essentials – HP sauce is now a fixture in my kitchen.
But when it comes to the slightly more unconventional, I haven’t ventured far. That’s why this week, I decided it was high time to dive into three UK classics – Branston Pickle, Salad Cream and, as a bit of a curveball, Bisto gravy.
When I was pondering how I was going to conduct this taste test, I grappled with how I was going to serve these delicacies.
My boyfriend enlightened me that “salad cream sandwiches” are a thing, and the concept made my stomach churn so much that I nearly abandoned the idea.
However, a swift Google search informed me salad cream can also be used as a dipping sauce for chips. I know chips and gravy is a winner, so there we have it.
All three of these condiments will be paired with oven chips – a pleasant, neutral tasting vehicle that (hopefully) won’t have my stomach doing somersaults.
The three accompaniments will be ranked on smell, taste and texture as well as whether or not I would consume them again – all rankings are out of 10.
Bisto Gravy
First up was the Bisto Gravy Granules, as I feared my little pot of gravy would cool and congeal if left. There wasn’t much of a smell to this one – perhaps a slight subtle undertone of a leather shop but not nearly as potent as I had thought.
As for the taste, my God, what a dream. I was immediately glad I tried this one first because I felt like it put me on the path for success.
It was absolutely delicious, salty, savoury and simple. I’ve always made my gravy from scratch, but this was so delicious I might just change my tune.
The texture was great too – I like that it’s customisable depending on how much water you add. Would I eat this again? Absolutely I would, in fact, I’d be happy to eat it every day until I die of sodium poisoning.
Bisto Gravy Granules were an easy 10/10 and I was tempted to drink the rest in the pot.
Salad Cream
I have looked at this almost every time I’ve been in the supermarket and been mystified by it. It’s such an ambiguous name and I’ve always been slightly threatened by it, but if this job has taught me anything it’s to face my fears and, most of the time, eat them.
It smelled vinegary, a real swipe to the nostrils with a slight undertone of body odour. Not a promising start.
I dipped my chip, closed my eyes and went in. There was an initial punch of sweetness which I was not expecting but it was swiftly followed by an absolute kick in the head of vinegar that was so tangy it immediately made me feel a bit sweaty.
Perhaps that’s why it has a slight whiff of body odour. Despite its strong flavour, the actual taste wasn’t too bad. It was a bit overpowering, but I can understand its appeal.
In terms of texture, it’s essentially just a thin mayonnaise – nothing to get excited about.
I might consider eating Salad Cream again, but certainly not as a chip dip. Perhaps I’d use it on salad, as its name suggests – but only if there were no better options available.
All in all, I’d give this a 6/10.
Branston Pickle
This appears to be quite a hit with Brits so my expectations were high. Straight away, it smells like mince pies that have been left out in the scorching sun for weeks – incredibly strong and fermented.
I dipped my chip and was taken aback by the unidentified little chunks scattered throughout the pickle.
The texture was horrendous. I’ve never been a fan of chunky textures, and this was absolutely packed with them.
As for the taste, it was pure vinegar with no hint of anything else. I immediately got heartburn and had to stop after one bite. I really didn’t like this pickle at all, which is unfortunate because I bought an entire jar.
Hopefully my flatmates will enjoy it. Because the smell, taste and texture were all offensive to me, Branston Pickle gets a 0/10.