Agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who’s concerned after a friend came on to him while they were away, and doesn’t want his wife to think there’s anything in it
Dear Coleen,
I’m a married man in my 30s and I need your advice on a situation with a married female friend of ours. We see her and her husband regularly and we’re part of a bigger group of friends.
The background is that I’ve always felt an attraction between me and this woman, but neither of us has ever spoken about it and I’m not interested as I love my wife and wouldn’t cheat.
But a couple of weeks ago, a group of us went to a Greek island for a break and, the night before we left to come home, this woman got quite drunk and cornered me at the bar.
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She draped herself over me, grabbing my waist and telling me how she’s always fancied me. I was worried about someone seeing us, so I guided her back to the lounge.
Luckily her husband came over and took her back to their room. She didn’t say anything to me at breakfast the next day and hasn’t said anything since. I’ve since found out from another friend that her marriage has been in trouble for a while.
I don’t know whether to say something to her, but my main concern is I don’t want my wife to find out and think there was anything to it.
Coleen says,
Well, maybe she didn’t remember or she could have been embarrassed that she had crossed a line. I think you’re worrying about this because you know there’s some sexual chemistry between you and this woman, but you haven’t done anything to feel guilty about.
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If you don’t like hiding it from your wife, then why not say something like, “I wonder if things are OK in her marriage because she was flirty with me the other night after a few drinks and it was a bit awkward”. Then take a step back from her and her husband socially for a while.
Also, maybe give some more thought to why this has unsettled you so much – is it because you are very attracted to this friend and you wanted to act on it, but didn’t?
Yes, it’s a bit embarrassing and it could have been more embarrassing if the others had seen it, but nothing happened.
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So is this a case of you wrestling with your own conscience because you have feelings for her?
Try not to put yourself in a situation where it might happen again and, if it does, then be very clear that you’re not interested.
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