A mum has shared the life lessons she’s teaching her children while they’re young so they can be able to spot the ‘red flags’ or friends who may not be very nice after all
A therapist and mum shared how she teaches little ones to spot red flags in other children so they don’t allow other people to treat them poorly. As part of her caption, Andrea, @brambila_bits wrote on Instagram: “Is this the be-all end-all list? No! But these conversations have helped both of my children feel confident advocating for themselves. which is incredibly effective at preserving safety. And when it comes to safety, teaching how to be proactive is ALWAYS a priority for me.”
She explained she was teaching her kids “little red flags” to “watch out for in friend groups”.
Andrea shared “as a therapist,” she’s more than aware of the importance of interpersonal relationships. But, she said this also means she knows “kids need a little guidance about what healthy friendships look like,” and this is where she can step in and assist.
She shared the things she’s teaching her kids to look out for, and wanted to share them with other parents, too, so they can follow suit.
1. People who don’t respect boundaries
She wrote: “Whether it’s body boundaries or requests to be spoken to in a certain way, I’m teaching my kids that our friends deserve to have their boundaries respected, and we deserve to have ours respected too.”
2. People who say unkind things about others
Andrea shared: “As my older son moved through elementary school, this was a conversation that we had a lot. We talked about how people who say unkind things to others about the way they look, speak, dress, etc, are more likely to say unkind things about friends who aren’t around.
“This isn’t a healthy dynamic for anyone.”
3. Teasing that actually feels hurtful
“This is such a nuanced conversation because a lot of childhood friendship dynamics (and adult ones too) involve some friendly ribbing,” she shared.
But she said she told her kids that if “something hurts their feelings” then they should say that, and be honest. Andrea explained: “If it continues, this isn’t respecting boundaries, and it’s not kind.”
4. People who only want to play their way
Andrea shared she’s telling her kids that “friendship is a two-way street”. She said sometimes there are “compromises” to make, but you should always “have a say” and get your own way from “time to time”.
5. People who tell you to keep secrets
She shared this one is more “nuanced,” again, sharing with her kids that people should never tell them to keep secrets from their adults for “safety reasons”.
However, she did share with her 12-year-old that if someone shares something personal to them and asks you to keep it private, that’s okay, for example, a friend who got her period. But she said, for example, if someone shows her pornography on a phone and tells them not to tell, they should be open with their mum.
6. People who never say sorry
Andrea said she discussed with her kids how “everyone messes up” from time to time, but the most important part of this is knowing when to apologise.
“When someone can’t apologise, that’s a warning sign that they don’t intend to change their behaviour in the future,” she shared.
7. People who pressure others to break the rules
Andrea wrote: “Peer pressure is such a real thing, and while I want my kids to feel confident enough to do what they know is right, I also want them to recognise that anyone who pressures them to do anything (especially break rules) doesn’t have their best interests at heart. And this is vital for a healthy friendship.”
On the end slide, she said she just wants to equip her children with the knowledge of what’s right and wrong in a friendship.