Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is fed up with her soppy mate gushing about her amazing new boyfriend
Dear Coleen
A good friend of mine won’t stop banging on about her new boyfriend and it’s making me feel quite bad about my own relationship, as she keeps going on about how great this guy is compared to her last one. It’s really irritating, as it’s all she talks about these days, but I also feel she’s kind of getting at me somehow.
For example, she said about her last relationship that all they did was watch Netflix, get takeaways and go to the pub, which is all stuff that I do with my boyfriend all the time! Her new guy, however, is apparently super-romantic – a real Romeo, who loves to be spontaneous and show up unexpectedly with flowers, champagne, chocolates, air tickets and so on.
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He takes her out all the time, won’t let her pay for a thing and treats her like a princess. She says it’s proper romance and what she’s been missing and she can’t believe she stuck with her crappy ex for so long.
Should I be honest and tell her how annoying and embarrassing she’s being? Sometimes I want to laugh out loud at some of the stuff she says. Or am I being a bit miserable? I can’t decide.
Coleen says
She’s in the throes of love and we’ve all been there at the start of a new relationship. A couple of years down the line and you might be hearing a different story or at least a calmer and more grounded version.
Inevitably, that initial buzz of excitement gives way to something deeper and more real. Also, her new boyfriend is pulling out the stops to impress her and make her feel special, which is lovely, and maybe he will always make the effort, so good on him.
The point is, if you’re happy with your partner, just be happy for your friend and stop thinking of it as personal attack. My favourite bit of all my relationships has been the Netflix and chill bit – just being at home and relaxing with my partner. However, I have friends who go on four holidays a year with their partners and are out every single weekend, but that’s not for me.
We all want different things from a relationship and if you’re happy it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. So, maybe the question you need to ask yourself is: “Am I genuinely happy or is something missing in my relationship?” Think about why this is bugging you.
And as for your friend, just let her love her life at the moment and focus on what makes you happy instead.
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