EXCLUSIVE: Jaxon Feeley, the UK’s first openly transgender prison officer, has opened up about his transition while still working in the prison system
The UK’s first openly transgender prison officer has revealed how people said he “needed electrocuting”, as he opens up on his transition. Jaxon Feeley made the decision to come out as transgender at the age of 26, after learning to accept and understand his life.
Looking back, Jaxon, who starred in Channel 4’s Banged Up, admits that he “knew from the age of four or five” but hadn’t always had the vocabulary to express his true feelings. The Wigan-born campaigner made the decision to transition in 2021, while still working in the UK prison system, a decision he said was scarier than getting on a plane to Iraq.
Prior to working in prisons, Jaxon worked in the British Army as a female, Jessica, and served for three years. It was his time in the military that gave him a “good background” and “life experience” in order to slot in at HMP Hindley in Wigan, Greater Manchester.
Just three weeks after his transition, Jaxon returned to prison as a woman. But after sharing his journey with prisoners, he admits that nothing can upset him now, although Jaxon admits that social media can be a “dangerous place” for people to be.
“Some of these people tell me you need electrocuting or you should kill yourself and all these horrible things,” he told the Mirror. He added: “I need the younger generation who might not know, you’re not on your own because there are a lot of people left believing these horrible people on the interent, and so as horrible and as dangerous as that can be, the positive of being able to share my story and reach as many people can hopefully save as many lives.”
But growing up, he admits that there wasn’t as much representation and visibility of trans people, he said: “Coming from Wigan, a very working-class northern town, I struggled to come out as a gay woman at the age of 19 because I didn’t know any gay people. So by the age of 26, 27, thinking about transitioning, I only realised this when I fell into a YouTube hole after struggling with my mental health for a long time.
“I realised that’s who I was, pretty quickly, but not wanting to do that because it seemed like something that is incredibly impossible when you’re staring that in the face when it’s something so new and something that so many people don’t understand and disagree with.”
Over the years, he says, there has been “clumsy representation” of transgender people, with many assuming trans people are a “man in a dress”. Jaxon added: “So that’s the image that people see, people come across trans people every day and don’t know, but unfortunately, the imagery and the lasting impact of that is very much there.”
Reflecting on returning to work, Jaxon said, “You are literally everything to prisoners, whether that’s mum, dad, nurse, a shoulder to cry on, therapist, a punch bag, or a fireman. Whatever is going on that day, you are that person for hundreds of men.
“I love it, it was something that challenged me in a way that I enjoyed, and to think about transitioning in an environment like that, it weren’t something that I thought I would be able to do. When I realised that is kind of what I needed to do, I thought I would have to leave the job because I definitely couldn’t transition into that role.
“So when I did begin that journey, that was my initial plan to go off sick and never return and transition, but after a month of trying to accept that this is what was happening and going through the situation and talking to my family and realising, I was talking about doing this or dying. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it properly and stay in a job that I love and become the person that I am.
“I had faith that I could have the conversations in a way that reminded people we’re all just human beings.” He says he’s always been passionate about “doing what terrifies you”, something his mum has joked about, whether he would take on a task that would “break” him.”
“I went into that with the aim of maybe it’s not just my life I can change, maybe there’s a lot of other ones that could be inspired by having the courage to look in the mirror and have the dfficult conversations, that’s what happened for a lot of people and a lot of prisoners,” he added.
But how did the prisoners respond to Jaxon’s transition? There was “some acceptance” but also “levels of abuse” on the Psychologically Informed Planned Environment wing he was working on, with prisoners who had elements of personality disorder and hadn’t been able to understand their own trauma or manage their emotions.
He commented: “When I went back into that situation as someone who looked exactly the same, this female officer they’d known for three years with a shaved head, and I’m telling them that I’m gonna be Mr. Feeley now, it was a very strange experience and a very frightening one.” Jaxon opened up to the prisoners about his suicidal feelings and showed his vulnerability, allowing them to understand it wasn’t too late to change their own lives around.
Jaxon continued: “It just started to prove to people that it’s not about gender, it’s about life and it’s about stripping everything back and realising that we’re all transitioning in some way all the time, whether that’s managing relationships or changing jobs or being in prison or coming out of prison or the military or all these different things.”
One thing he hadn’t anticipated was the enormous levels of change he saw in the wing. “It shocked me, but it had such an incredible impact, especially in terms of stopping people from self-harming and stopping taking drugs, and prisoners being in jail for 20 years, telling me I’ve saved their life was unbelievable.”
He left the prison service in 2023 and admits he still struggles on a daily basis without the routine. “Two years down the line, I still struggle. It was another massive transition for me, in terms of not being in uniform. It was such a massive part of my identity and the stability of the tourine and being around people, the sort of normalities of that I really miss,” he said.
“You have to let go of a little bit of yourself to make room for the new,” he said, adding: “That can be incredibly difficult and have so much grief within it, which is why I try and relate what I’m saying to everyone because the amount of transitions I’ve gone through in my life, the biggest and most major one may have been about gender, but it was by far not the only one.”
While serving as a prison officer, he swapped the real prison for HMP Shrewsbury as part of Channel 4’s Banged Up, which featured a string of famous faces, locked up with criminals who have come out of the justice system on the other side. These included singer HRVY, EastEnders star Sid Owen and Peter Hitchens, while MP Johnny Mercer met with a former contract killer.
“We literally ran the prison for eight days, 24-7 as you would a real prison,” he said, before explaining that they had 23 ex-lags who knew how the system worked. “You’ve got celebrities who don’t have a clue what’s going on, TV crews who don’t have a clue how dangerous this could end up, and you’re trying to manage all these personalities,” Jaxon explained.
He said the experience was “incredible” and the famous faces had a “massive shock” after discovering that the former convicts were simply human beings. Reflecting on the show, he said: “The stories these people had, the prisoners involved, how they were trying or how they have turned their life around and how difficult that was, it showed the celebrities the level of difficulty and humanity in situations like that.
“From what they’ve said to me, provided a massive amount of respect to prison officers and how you find the ability to manage the chaos that comes with the ratio of officers to prisoners. It was great to bring people into that environment and show them an element of what it could be like. Everyone who watched it was blown away. But at the same time, we couldn’t show violence, self-harm and drugs, all the things that make it even worse. It was a good eye-opener into the level of chaos prison brings.”
Currently, four prison officers deal with up to 200 men at a time, which Jaxon says is “impossible.” He said you cannot rehabilitate all prisoners due to one officer to 40 men. “You can’t really do anything else,” he said. Now, Jaxon is an ambassador Pall Mall Gender, after a member of staff had followed his journey on social media.
Working with the trusted clinic is a cause close to his heart, admitting that safety surrounding gender affirmation surgery is his “number one priority”. “I think it’s so important, especially for gender affirming care and trans people right now, there aren’t a lot of safe places and people around,” he said.
Nowadays, though, Jaxon admits that while he struggles with his mental health, he’s the happiest he’s ever been in himself.
If you’re struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email [email protected] or visit their site to find your local branch
If you are struggling with mental health, you can speak to a trained advisor from Mind mental health charity on 0300 123 3393 or email [email protected]
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