A reader asks agony aunt Coleen Nolan how to approach a divorcee to tell her that he’s interested in being more than just a friend?
Dear Coleen
I’m a man aged 60 and my wife and I divorced a couple of years ago. It was a mutual decision to end the marriage – we’d just grown apart over the years and were pretty much living separate lives, so things were quite amicable.
We’re still on friendly terms, as we have kids together, and see each other quite regularly at family occasions and it’s nice. My problem is, I’m lonely and would love to be in another relationship. My ex has met someone and seems happy, so it’s made me think that I should maybe do the same.
There is a woman I really like and we met through mutual friends, so we have people in common and always have great conversations. She’s funny and smart, and very attractive.
Like me, she’s divorced and has grown-up kids, so we have that in common too. I happen to know she’s not currently seeing anyone.
The thing is, I have no clue how to approach her to tell her that I’m interested in being more than just a friend.
I was last on the dating scene more than 30 years ago. Where do I start? I’d welcome some tips.
Coleen says
I get it – it’s so hard to know how to make that first move, especially when it’s been so long since you last did that kind of thing. It’s hard to make yourself vulnerable and risk being rejected. But when you next see her and have one of these great conversations, why not just drop in, “fancy going out for a drink or meal one night?” Keep it casual.
If she makes an excuse, then I think you can probably take it she’s not interested. However, she might say yes and, if she does, go out and enjoy the night and see where it leads.
But don’t put any pressure on yourself or on her and let things develop naturally. And maybe after a couple of dates you could say, “If you want to stay just friends, that’s fine, but I find you very attractive and wondered if you’d be interested in finding out if we could take things further?”
If she is not interested in romance, then hopefully you’ve still got a good friend. My attitude is, it’s better to try to deal with a bit of hurt pride rather than living with regret and wondering what might have been.
She could have feelings for you, too, but might be waiting for you to make a move. I say be brave and go for it.
