‘Lads holidays make me uneasy – there was one moment I knew I’d outgrown them’

Booze, sex, testosterone — those are the typical expectations from a lads holiday. But what if that’s not what you want anymore? Matt Spraggrett tells us how he fell out of love with the form

Urban dictionary defines a lads holiday as: “When you go on holiday with your ‘lads’ (mates) and you get smashed out of your head and bang about 50,000 girls.”

And perhaps that’s all one needs to know about the typical boys trip and expectations of them.

While there may be (many) men who would jump at the chance to take a no-holds-barred, booze, sex, and testosterone-fuelled trip with the lads, there seems to be a growing section that would really rather just… not.

In fact, new research from First Choice confirms that sentiment. In a recent survey conducted by the travel company involving 2,000 Millennial and Gen-Z men, it was found that 69 per cent of men aged 18-35 secretly dreaded going away with the boys and over half (53 per cent) made excuses to dodge the trip. Furthermore, a staggering 81 per cent of blokes felt the pressure to act “macho” during these out-of-control lads holidays and 66 per cent struggled to keep up with the intense partying mentality.

A few key factors contributed to their apprehension: 39 per cent of the men surveyed felt they were forced to drink more than usual on a boys trip, while 27 per cent were uncomfortable with the overspending that such escapades involve. Another 20 per cent were aware that their partners disapproved of their absence and their participation in said exploits.

Matt Spraggett, 29, is one such lad who isn’t the biggest fan of these lads holidays.

Currently working in London as an advertising manager, Matt grew up in Cheshunt, Hertfordshire, and says he had a lower middle class upbringing. His dad worked in the public sector, while his mum was a PA. Both Matt and his brother attended their local state school and sixth form and in his words it was “nothing fancy”.

While Matt doesn’t hate the quintessential boys trip, it definitely makes him “uneasy at times”. He feels it’s “largely down to the pressure to conform to a certain idea of masculinity”, which he finds off-putting.

Matt tells Mirror Travel: “Specifically, I dislike the expectation of constant, and I mean constant, drinking and the need to be ‘on’ all the time with either a loud, jokey persona or someone who is just ready to whatever the rest of the group wants to do, no questions. Sometimes it feels like a competition to see who can be the most outrageous. I’ve been on trips where guys are practically egging each other on to do stupid things, just for the sake of a laugh, regardless of any consequences they might face and after a while it can be exhausting.”

Matt feels that an all-blokes trip comes with the expectation of reverting to “some kind of adolescent version of yourself”. Matt reflects: “You’re supposed to forget about your responsibilities, your growth, and just act like you’re back in your late teens and do what the typical lads trip consists of such as, all day drinking, strip clubs, night clubs and even taking drugs. There’s often an unspoken pressure to be constantly available for partying, and if you want to chill out or do something different, you’re seen as a buzzkill.”

Now almost 30, Matt can largely pinpoint the juncture of his life when he started disliking the notion of a typical lads holiday.

“I think it was probably around my mid-twenties, maybe 25 or 26, which might seem a little young to not want to just be on ‘lads lads lads’ / ‘oi oi’ type holiday but I think the pandemic had a big impact. I moved away from where I grew up and met a new set of friends in London, plus I was starting to take my career more seriously, and I had been in a relationship for a couple of years by that time so the idea of spending a week getting hammered and acting like an idiot just didn’t appeal to me anymore. Also, with the cost of living increasing and paying my own way with rent and bills, I became more mindful about what money I was spending on holidays,” he said.

Matt remembers being out for the day, celebrating a schoolmate’s birthday and “feeling a little out of sync with everyone else”. He recalls the conversations being “very surface level and nothing that engaging”, which led him to the realisation that something had changed.

“I don’t want that to sound arrogant, that I changed, and they hadn’t, as they had, but they still lived where we grew up and had a certain view and experience of the world, both socially and politically and mine had evolved differently to theirs. After that moment I started to want to spend my time doing things I truly enjoy — not just doing it to retain some favour with the lads.”

One holiday that sticks out in Matt’s mind which further solidified his negative feelings towards out-of-control boys trips was when he went to Thailand in his early 20s. While the vacation “wasn’t a total nightmare”, there were some tense moments that could’ve escalated and derailed the whole trip”

Matt recalls heading out on a pub crawl with the gang, when one bloke from their group wandered off and returned “about 20 minutes later and says he’s got into an argument with the locals” which resulted in “some pushing and shoving which then turned into a bit of a fight”.

The ‘very drunk’ group instantly started panicking thinking about “horror stories of foreigners causing trouble abroad and losing your passport” and subsequently “sprinted about 2km back to our hotel to avoid some angry bar owners our friend had annoyed.” Matt and the lads “moved off to another part of Thailand quickly after that”.

By his own admission, the 29-year-old feels “many guys and lots of drinks” can often lead to “an overall atmosphere of tension which might kick off at any moment”.

For Matt, his ‘ideal lads vacation’ would be “a good mix of culture and party where it’s focusing on shared interests and experiences rather than just getting drunk all day every day”.

He shares: “I’d love to do something active, like exploring the local history, going to a vineyard or seeing the best viewpoint. Something that involves an activity as well as some drinks is much more appealing to me. The vibe would be relaxed, we’d explore the place we are in rather than just going to the main strip. It’s like going to London and only going to Covent Garden, there’s so much more to see! But that’s just me.”

And while he feels that “there’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks”, he’d rather have it not be “the central focus of the trip”.

The perfect trip in his mind?

“It would be about creating good memories and strengthening friendships, not just racking up embarrassing stories of who got the most drunk. They are funny but I don’t want that to be the only thing I remember.”