Now Donald Trump has had his (deserved) slap on the back – let’s get back to the other deeply troubling things he’s doing
Donald Trump deserves some credit for getting the Gaza ceasefire over the line. Of course he does.
While the deal itself was already written, and Hamas have already wriggled out of various bits of it, the future of that corner of the Middle East looks decidedly less gloomy than it did a week ago.
And a lot of factors led to the deal being secured and the hostages released now and not, say, in January – several of those factors, including the US putting pressure on Netanyahu and holding direct discussions with Hamas – can fairly be credited to him.
So here you go Donald. Have a slap on the back.
Now that’s over with, there’s a bunch of deeply troubling things he’s also doing, which if followed through to their chilling conclusion will have a widespread and damaging impact on the world.
Meanwhile, in Trump World
- He spoke admiringly about Egypt’s brutal authoritarian regime
- His Cabinet keeps calling millions of ordinary Americans terrorists
- Trump reckons he’s fixed the problems of the Old Testament
- He moaned about his Time Magazine cover
- He left Keir Starmer hanging
- He got really creepy about Giorgia Meloni – who has a terrible poker face
- He had a pretty openly corrupt conversation with a foreign leader caught on a hot mic
- Eric Trump needs to invest in a calendar
Here’s everything you need to know and more.
The Invasion
1. Egypt has little crime because they ‘don’t play games’
Before we get to the weirdness and antics at yesterday’s peace summit in Egypt, and his speech to the Knesset, let’s remind ourselves that Trump loves authoritarian leaders internationally because he wants to act like them at home.
“They have very little crime,” Trump said of Egypt during the summit in harm El Sheikh. “Because they don’t play games. That’s why. Like we do in the United States with governors that have no idea what they’re doing.”
Let’s break that down a little. The Al-Sisi regime, which rules Egypt, came to power through a military coup, in the wake of which hundreds – possibly thousands – of protesters and supporters of former President Mohamed Morsi were killed in what has become known as the Rabaa Massacre.
The regime’s approach to criminal justice involves the broad use of pre-charge detention – with people imprisoned for months or even years without formal charges or trial. These routinely include peaceful protesters, journalists and political opponents of the regime.
Citizens are often arrested for criticising the government on social media or taking part in peaceful protests – which often end in mass arrests of attendees.
The military and intelligence services play a direct role in policing, something Trump is currently trying to introduce in the US.
Human rights groups have documented the routine use of torture and beatings by police and state security services to extract confessions or as a punishment.
But other than that, not that much crime.
2. Cabinet minister brands millions of Americans paid protesters and terrorists
Transport Secretary Sean Duffy went on Fox Business and branded millions of Americans ‘paid protesters’ and terrorists.
On Saturday there’s (finally) going to be a “No Kings” rally on the National Mall in Washington DC. You’ll remember the No Kings marches that sprung up across America a few months ago. Between events held in 2,100 cities and towns, between 4 and 6 million Americans turned up to protest against Donald Trump’s antidemocratic leanings.
It was a record-breaking display of peaceful protest – and following on from Speaker Mike Johnson the other day, Duffy vented his “frustration” at people exercising their right to peaceful protest.
“The No Kings protest,” he said. “Really frustrating. This is part of Antifa, paid protesters. It begs the question ‘who’s funding it’?”
No Kings is not an ‘antifa’ protest, neither is there any evidence that people taking part have been paid to do so.
Also, it’s nice that – after pushing through a Supreme Court decision ruling that corporations are people and money is speech, which enabled billionaires and oil barons to pump cash into the astroturfed Tea Party movement, a precursor to MAGA – Republicans are finally expressing concern about dark money funding political activism.
Gaza
3. Trump reckons he’s solving disputes that date back to the Old Testament
While signing the ceasefire deal, Trump said: “This took 3,000 years to get to this point, can you believe it?”
As anyone who watched Tony Robinson’s Blood and Honey in the 90s will tell you, conflicts certainly have been going on in the region for that long, but given they were between Israelites, Philistines, Moabites and Ammonites, we’re not sure Trump can claim credit for solving them.
4. Trump moans about getting the cover of Time Magazine
The world’s most powerful manbaby was given the front cover of Time Magazine and he’s still moaning about it.
The choice of photograph on the cover is actually pretty clever. It’s a rare photo of him from a low angle – symbolising the reader being forced to see a different to the world’s most famous man.
The headline – HIS TRIUMPH – is pretty generous, too.
Trump, of course, hates it.
“Time Magazine wrote a relatively good story about me,” he posted. “But the picture may be the Worst of All Time. They “disappeared” my hair* and then had something floating on top of my head that looked like a floating crown, but an extremely small one.** Really weird! I never liked taking pictures from underneath angles, but this is a super bad picture and it deserves to be called out.”
And then there’s a genuinely laugh out loud line: “What are they doing and why?”
* Sorry Don mate, Time Magazine didn’t disappear your hair. That’s genetics and the passage of time, I’m afraid.
** That’s your hair mate.
5. His toadiest supporters are suggesting an alternative
Of course, Trump’s most toady supporters – including Congresswoman Kari Lake – have suggested people show solidarity with their favourite manbaby by sharing a poorly photoshopped, 1980s looking alternative Time Cover.
The Summit
6. Trump left Starmer hanging
Most of you will have seen the highlights of the Egypt summit and the Knesset speech by now, but it’s worth recording a few of the most unhinged moments.
Like this bit where he totally left Keir Starmer hanging, prompting the PM to pull a face like absolute thunder.
7. He had a weird, possibly corrupt, hot mic chat with the President of Indonesia
In a hot-mic moment, Indonesia’s President Prabowo Subianto was heard telling Trump that he had fears for his country, asking to meet with his sons: “It’s in a region, it’s not safe, security-wise. Can I meet Eric? …We’ll look for a better place…Eric or Don Jr.”
Trump seemed generally amenable to the idea, telling Subianto: “I like that you’re telling me that…we don’t need that”
Given neither Eric nor Don Jr have any role in the White House or the government, and are supposedly tasked with running Trump’s companies while he’s in power, it’s entirely unclear why the leader of another country would be so eager to meet them.
And if they were discussing a potential business deal…that would be pretty obviously corrupt.
8. Trump indicates he moved embassy to Jerusalem as a favour for a huge donor – then kind of questions her loyalty to the US
In a deeply off one-two punch during his speech to the Knesset Trump suggested not only that he moved the US embassy to Jerusalem as a favour to megadonors the late Sheldon Adelson and his widow Miriam – but also that he sort of questioned her loyalty to the US.
Clearly thinking he was being nice, and having no concept of the historical context of dual national Jews being asked where their loyalties lie, he said: “I actually asked her, I’m going to get in trouble with this, I actually asked her once, I said Miriam…I know you love Israel. What do you love more, the United States or Israel…that means…that might mean Israel.”
Applause and laughter in the chamber was nervous and polite.
9. Another hot mic with Carney
Whoever was running the mics at the Egypt summit was clearly related to the escalator and teleprompter technicians at the United Nations.
In a moment of levity, Canadian President Mark Carney was caught on the hot mic at the end of Trump’s speech in Egypt having a little joke about Trump threatening to invade his country.
“I’m glad you upgraded me to President,” Carney ribbed, referring to Trump’s tendency of calling his predecessor “Governor Trudeau”, because he sees Canada as the 51st state.
“Oh did I say President?” Trump replied, “At least I didn’t say Governor”.
10. Trump gets gross about Meloni, complains he’s not usually allowed to be gross to women
Trump, of course, couldn’t just have a moment of gravitas on the world’s stage, because there was a woman there.
“We have a woman, a young woman,” he said of Italian PM Giorgia Meloni. “Who is, you’re not allowed to say it because usually it’s the end of your political career, usually if you use the word beautiful about a young woman in the United States it’s the end of your political career, but I’ll take my chances.”
He turned round to Meloni, and could be heard saying: “You don’t mind being called beautiful right? Because you are.”
Despite her being somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan, it’s really difficult to dislike someone whose poker face is as bad as Meloni’s.
11. Speaking of Meloni, please enjoy her facial expressions as Pakistan’s President nominates Trump for next year’s Nobel Peace Prize
And finally
12. Eric Trump needs to invest in a calendar
Eric Trump went on telly last night and loudly complained about Jack Smith, the special counsel who was tasked with pursuing criminal cases against Donald Trump for mishandling of classified documents.
Ranting, as he often does, about the raid of Mar A Lago, during which boxes of documents, some of them classified, were found in a toilet, Eric whined: “Sure enough, we find out that Jack Smith is planting manilla folders on the office of my father … “
This is, of course, nonsense. Not least because the raid of Mar A Lago took place on 8 August 2022. Jack Smith wasn’t hired until 18 November.