Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who made the brave step of breaking up with her toxic boyfriend, but he’s now trying to make her jealous
Dear Coleen
I split from my long-time partner four months ago. I’d finally had enough of him for lots of reasons, but it was still hard to make the decision. He literally begged me not to leave him and then love-bombed me for weeks afterwards to try to win me back.
Finally, he seemed to move on and things went quiet, but now he’s been back in touch, claiming he’s in a relationship but wants to be “friends”. He even had the nerve to send me a photo of his new girlfriend who looks as if she’s about a decade younger than him – he’s 36.
The thing is, it’s been playing on my mind and, as much as I hate to admit it, the photo made me really jealous and I actually started to wonder if we could get back together.
It makes no sense, as he treated me very badly for the last two years of our relationship, constantly lying to me about his whereabouts, racking up debt in both our names and gaslighting me over everything. But his new relationship is really messing with my head. I need a sensible opinion.
Coleen says
I think it’s your ego getting the better of you – he’s in another relationship already with a younger woman and your ego is whispering, “but, yeah, I could still have him back”. He’s playing games and the intention is to make you jealous.
It’s important to keep reminding yourself of why you ended the relationship and also ask yourself why things would be any different if you did get back together. My guess is that he won’t have changed and you’d find yourself back at square one.
Also, it’s too soon to be friends because neither of you has had the chance to move on in a significant way; you need time to do that. Plus, you don’t have to be friends – you don’t have kids together, so there’s no reason to ever see him again. Sometimes staying friends isn’t right. I haven’t stayed friends with lots of guys I’ve been in a relationship with.
I bet that he hasn’t told his new girlfriend that he’s back in touch with you and I also bet she wouldn’t be happy about that or to find out that he’s using her to lure you in. My advice is, shut it down, don’t reply to his messages. Block his number if that’s easier, stay strong and keep moving forward. You’ve done the hard part.
READ MORE: Huawei Watch GT 6 Series rated ‘perfect companion’ for workouts and this code cuts price