Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader shocked by her friend’s behaviour now she’s her flatmate, and doesn’t see why she should be the one to leave
Dear Coleen
I’m a 25-year-old woman and live with a friend, who’s making me miserable in my own home.
When she first moved in, she contributed to bills and helped with housework but, a few months down the line, it all stopped and I have to prise money out of her and nag her to do anything.
She pays her rent to the landlord but treats me like I don’t matter. It’s very stressful and I’ve lost all respect for her.
She spends all her money on clothes and going out, then complains she has nothing left to buy things for the house or pay the utilities bills, meaning I’m left broke.
She often brings people home without asking me, so I end up feeling like a lodger in my own flat. We’ve been good friends since university but this is the first time we’ve lived together and I’m truly shocked. I really want to move out, but apart from having no money, I don’t see why I should be the one to uproot my life when I found the flat and she moved in when my previous flatmate moved out.
I’m not keen on living with someone I don’t know, though, so I feel really trapped.
I don’t know what to do for the best – what do you think?
Coleen says
Well, I think getting to know a new flatmate might be fun and surely it can’t be any worse than what you’re putting up with now?
You need to have a conversation and tell her how you feel.
I know it’s difficult telling a friend you’d like them to leave but, the bottom line is, you can’t get into debt for this person, who is not behaving like a friend at all. She’s taking you for granted – it’s as simple as that.
I’m not sure she’d think too much about you if someone else came along and offered her a room in a great flat. So I think you have to start putting yourself first.
Tell her you can’t afford to live like this any longer – you need someone who’ll contribute equally to everything and that includes keeping the place clean and tidy.
It might be the wake-up call she needs and she’ll apologise and start budgeting and pulling her weight but, if not, you have to stick to your guns. As a last resort, you could have a word with the landlord and explain she’s not paying bills and they could mediate to help resolve things.