Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who has no idea how to navigate life with her in-laws after they hijacked her wedding day 14 months ago
Dear Coleen
I married the love of my life 14 months ago. The day was beautiful in the end, but the run up to it was pure hell and it’s totally ruined my relationships with my husband’s family.
They footed the bill for most of the wedding, which was a mistake on our part because as soon as we accepted financial help, they basically took over and railroaded us into agreeing to everything they wanted.
My husband’s mum and his three sisters were particularly horrible and I ended up having full-blown arguments with them because of the stress of it all.
Every single decision I made was pulled apart and they said some pretty bitchy things about my choices behind my back.
In the end, I organised my hen do with my best friend and didn’t invite his mum or his sisters. It was small and special, and much more “me” than the expensive weekend in Ibiza that my sisters-in-law wanted.
His sisters barely speak to me any more and my mother-in-law often leaves us off the guest list for family events. It’s so petty.
My husband has handled it well and refuses to be bullied by his family, but he still sees them and often drops in on them, as we live close by. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do – should I just forget how they treated me?
I’ve never even had an apology. I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
Sadly, weddings often get hijacked by family members, who feel entitled to insist on certain things because they’re paying for it. It becomes a battle over things that don’t matter, resentments brew and the focus is taken away from the true meaning of the day.
On the positive side, you’re married to the man you love, who sounds sensible when it comes to dealing with his family. It’s about the two of you and, in reality, his family aren’t going to be a huge part of your everyday lives.
However, it’s not nice to have this bad feeling simmering away. I feel you need to get some stuff off your chest in order to move on, so maybe you could speak to his mum on her own or one of the sisters you dislike least.
Alternatively, write a letter, explaining how you feel and that you’d like to move forward positively. Hopefully, it’ll prompt some reflection from them and even an apology. Then get on with enjoying this lovely phase of married life.
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