‘My killjoy husband still refuses to go away on a family holiday’

Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who’s annoyed her hubby won’t consider going away, even in this country, and fears he has a problem with anxiety

Dear Coleen

I got into a big argument with my husband recently after suggesting taking our two kids away on holiday without him.

He hasn’t been anywhere since before Covid – not even to visit his parents who live in Spain. I think he has some kind of mental block about being away from home, or maybe anxiety and even depression, because he won’t push himself out of his comfort zone.

He works from home, so barely goes anywhere.

I’ve even suggested getting an Airbnb in this country for a week, but he just says: “What’s the point? The weather will be rubbish”.

He’s always got an excuse. The point for me is that we need a break and the kids need a change of scene.

I feel like booking something and not giving him a say because I’m sick of his ­attitude. I don’t want to be heartless and selfish, but why wouldn’t he want us to have a holiday, even if he’d rather stay at home?

His reluctance to do anything or go anywhere is really affecting our marriage and I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it.

Coleen says

Well, I think you have to tell him that – make him look at the bigger picture. It’s affecting your relationship and the ­wellbeing of the family.

From what you say, his issue stems from Covid and, in the aftermath of the lockdowns, lots of people’s mental health suffered. My ex, who I’m very good friends with, was affected by the enforced isolation and I know plenty of other people who felt the same.

If there is some kind of fear lingering, then your husband would probably benefit from counselling. It’s whether he’ll admit to it and accept help. If he’s just being miserable and can’t be bothered, then book you and the kids a holiday and don’t feel bad about it. You could even go with a mate or another relative and their kids.

Sometimes having a break from each other helps you both see things from another perspective and makes you reflect on your own attitude too.

You may feel more empathetic to how he feels and, if he sees you cracking on with it and having fun with the kids, he might not want to miss out on the next time.