Poison survivor Ilse speaks exclusively to The Mirror about buying the substance from Kenneth Law and surviving the lethal substance. Now, she is telling her story to call for the ban of the forum and poison
In a moment of desperation, Ilse took poison in an attempt to end her life, and it almost certainly would have succeeded if not for her concerned work colleagues.She ingested the drug that was recommended on a suicide forum, that is still active today.At that moment she wanted to die, though the feeling “changed once [she] got to hospital and… [she] started feeling scared.” She was having second thoughts and “wasn’t quite sure whether [she] would really want to go through with this.” Two years on from the near death experience, she is bravely talking for the first time about what happened, exclusively with The Mirror, to warn other people of this horrific site.
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Ilse, who wishes to only be identified by her first name, wants to warn people about the suicide forum. Ilse is a rare case of somebody who has been saved after taking this fast-acting poison.Ilse says she is glad to be alive. She wants those considering ordering the poison, which we are not naming, or going on the online forum to take her story as a sign of hope.
In a plea to people feeling low and considering taking this poison, she says: “Don’t do it. Know that things do get better. You don’t always have to feel as low as you do now.”At the time, she was experiencing depression and anxiety, and took to the internet. What she found was a forum that not only discussed suicide, but encouraged it, with recommended websites to procure lethal substances.Ilse says those making comments on the forum were leaving breadcrumbs to sources for a poison.She adds: “People would use names or abbreviations for sources but they wouldn’t give full links. They were quite secretive about it.” Ilse says the clues mean that people eventually figure out what is being talked about.
She later found out this catalogue of suicide products was run by Kenneth Law, 59, a Canadian national at the centre of a probe by the National Crime Agency in the United Kingdom.He is under suspicion of sending packages to 99 UK suicide victims. Talking about Law’s webshop, Ilse says: “You could even buy a consultation call with Kenneth Law.“He would advise you on what methods to use, how reliable they were or how to do things.” She says the first website she went to did not accept her payment, so she contacted Law, the website owner.
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Ilse adds: “He sent me a link to another one of his websites, which he wasn’t shy about sharing.”Police say Law may have sent a total of 1,200 packages to people in 40 countries. He is facing 14 murder charges in Ontario, Canada. His trial is expected to begin in January 2026.Ofcom is investigating the suicide forum under the Online Safety Act, but it remains online. An Ofcom spokesman said: “We aim to progress each investigation in a timely manner and conclude it as soon as possible.”
Speaking of ordering the poison, Ilse says: “[I was feeling] desperate for a way out. [I had] been struggling with mental health for years. I felt more and more desperate as time went on.”The poison arrived in December, a month later, Ilse took it. “I have a hard time remembering how low I felt then, how desperate I must have been, which feels very far removed from how I’m feeling now.”Ilse was lucky that when she was taken into hospital she was conscious and able to tell medical staff what she had taken. During this terrifying moment, she realised the enormity of what had happened.She said: “The consultant looked at me and said that although they were doing everything they could, [it could] still go either way. That was the reality check of how serious it was, that’s what I’d actually done to myself. That maybe there wasn’t a way back even though I maybe wanted to.”Ilse is concerned that others who have taken the poison may also have changed their mind as she did, and weren’t able to receive the antidote in time. “That’s the thing with this poison, it works so quickly that a lot of the time people don’t have that choice of ‘Maybe I don’t want to go through with this’. They don’t have the time to rethink what they’re doing before it’s too late,” she stated.
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Just hours after she survived the poison, she was released back home. She says a mental health assessor did not ask if she had any poison left.
Four months later, two officers knocked on her door to conduct a welfare check, having received lists from Canadian authorities about the customers Law sent poison to.Ilse says: “I told them they were about four months late because I’d taken the poison and fortunately survived. They also didn’t ask if I had any poison left, which I thought was shocking. I feel like they should have done that,” she said.Now, Ilse’s hoping that she can bring change by telling her story. If you have been experiencing suicidal ideation or feelings of hopelessness or despair, Ilse’s message is clear: “If you’re thinking about suicide, know that things do and can get better… You can get help and support and get through this and things can get better.”Ilse’s first hand account of the dangers of this forum are a rallying call for change. Her voice in The Mirror and The Molly Rose Foundation campaign is vital, as she speaks of her near-death experience to call for the Government to act now to reclassify the poison and to disable access to this site for UK citizens pending the OFCOM investigation.For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123 or email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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