Mum-of-one Jessica Whalley had gone her whole life thinking there was something “different” about her. It wasn’t until she reached her thirties that she received an autism diagnosis
Having spent more than three decades navigating life without an answer for why she’d always felt “different”, Jessica Whalley’s story is all too common. When she turned 38 years old, she was diagnosed with autism.
A couple of years later, she received an ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) diagnosis. According to research, it takes six years longer on average to diagnose autism in women and girls than in males.
When it comes to ADHD, it’s estimated that 50–75% of women with ADHD in the UK are undiagnosed. “There was definitely always something ‘different’. I’ve always liked things a certain way, I’ve always had a routine, I’ve always kept lists, things like that.
“I’ve never really had friendships like what other people seem to have, I’d socialise but then I’d like to go back home and I never really let other people there. But it really wasn’t something I was bothered about. I didn’t think about it,” Jessica tells the Mirror.
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For the mum-of-one, her journey to getting her diagnoses began back in 2018 – shortly after her son Jude was diagnosed with autism at four years old. “Things basically all got too much. I’d floated under the radar my whole life, but things just started coming to a head and I began struggling with my mental health,” she explains.
“When I went to the doctors they diagnosed me with anxiety and depression, but I never felt they fit with me. I tried about six different antidepressants over two or three years but none of them helped. Then the GP put me in for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which I did, and the therapist had some experience with autism and she referred me to be assessed.”
After being diagnosed with autism, another therapist suggested she might have ADHD too. “I was like, ‘no, people with ADHD are mostly little boys to climb on the walls’. But she explained that this wasn’t the case and, when I researched it, I realised that this was misinformation,” Jessica says.
“I was struggling so much day-to-day that I thought, ‘I can’t wait another year and a half’, so I paid privately to get an assessment. I got the diagnosis and then started on medication and it was like life-changing, but it’s not a magic pill and it took a good year to get the dose right. It’s a big process. It’s not an easy thing, which I think some people think it is.”
As a late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD mother, Jessica has written the book The Autistic Mom. As well as tracking her own experience, the book offers guidance and advice for other parents and undiagnosed or newly diagnosed adults.
“It’s hard being a parent in general,” says Jessica. “I can hyperfocus on things I’m interested in and that’s been beneficial for Jude because I’ve been able to find everything out and totally concentrate on that for like the last 10 years. I understand him and can relate to him, so I know why he’s behaving a certain way sometimes.
“Becoming a new parent when you’re neurodivergent yourself can be hard too because the environment changes and there’s nothing you can do to prepare for it – there isn’t for any parent. People can tell you it’s hard and your life will change, but until it actually happens, you can’t prepare for it.”
She adds: “But becoming a mum has given me a purpose, and it’s the reason why I figured all this out myself.” Since being diagnosed, Jessica has been working to raise awareness of autism and ADHD, especially in girls. In fact, April marks World Autism Acceptance Month.
“I’ve been working in a school, I’m hoping to work in more, to reduce the stigma because there’s quite a lot of kids not being diagnosed, particularly females,” she says.
“My own diagnoses have been life-changing – I was struggling for so many years. There’s definitely a lot more awareness, but like anything that needs to change, it’s going to take a long time. I’m hopeful for younger generations that hopefully it’ll get easier to talk about and there’ll be less stigma.”
The Autistic Mom by Jessica Whalley is out now
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