After matching with a man she liked on on Hinge, a woman planned to meet up with him in person for a date – but when she made a minor request ahead of the big day, his response left her baffled
A woman was stunned by a potential date’s “red flag” response after she made a simple request ahead of their first meeting.
Establishing a connection with a potential romantic partner can be tricky, especially when it comes to online dating. It’s not always easy to get a read on someone via text messages; tone and intent can be misinterpreted, delayed responses can be taken to mean complete disinterest when this may not be the case, and building decent, genuine rapport doesn’t necessarily come as naturally.
For many people – but women in particular – there’s the added concern of personal safety and potential danger. Many women impose certain boundaries ahead of first dates – such as insisting on a familiar location; having a friend secretly come along to provide backup if needed; sharing their live location with multiple friends and family members; sending photos of the person they’re meeting and the time the date is estimated to end; and much more.
For social media user Krishna Shah, a proposed change to the location of a first date with a man she met on dating app Hinge exposed what she branded a “red flag” response. Sharing her story on Threads, Krishna explained: “Yesterday I matched with this guy on hinge. We agreed on an ice cream date. He said, ‘meet me here at 8:30pm’. I looked up the spot/area. I was not familiar with it but it was bordering a shady town. Also, the reviews for the establishment were a 3.4 (a no for me).
“I politely told him I wasn’t feeling that spot and sent two other suggestions (rated 4.7 and 4.8) and one of them was even closer to the town he told me he lived in. I asked if either of those work for him.”
In response, the man said: “‘Nope. [angel emoji] I sent you a spot if that doesn’t work for you then it is what it is [shrugging emoji].”
Krishna continued: “I responded, ‘Lmao wow. No worries fam. Take care.’ and unmatched him because what kind of red flag […] behaviour is that? That’s how online dating is going, friends”.
She explained encounters like this had led to her taking “a break from dating” online and now she’s keen to “extend that break”. She added: “If you’re not going to add value to my life, I’d rather stay single. I’m old school and would really rather meet someone in person.”
Fellow Threads users were keen to share their thoughts on her experience. One person quipped: “Why are you being so inconvenient to kidnap?!”
Someone else worried: “I get danger vibes from this story that he was setting you up (by having others at that location). That’s why he said ‘no’…because his setup crew wouldn’t be where you proposed.”
A third shared: “I shouldn’t be, but I am still amazed at how angry men get whenever they’re faced with a boundary. I am regularly chastised for saying that I don’t eat on a first date.”
And another added: “This is a walking red flag. Toxic masculinity disguised as ‘leadership’. Real men don’t throw tantrums when you make suggestions that are actually better/or in consideration of what you would like as well.
“Whether he was going to put you in an ‘unsafe’ situation physically or not, you, for sure, would have been unsafe emotionally to express yourself, your needs, wants. You dodged a bullet. The ‘my way or the highway’ leadership style died with the elders.”