Getting torn between the wishes of two friends can be a tough experience, especially when it’s about being present on one of the biggest days of their lives, as one woman found out
A woman chosen to be a bridesmaid at two close friends’ weddings which are on the same day has reached out on social media to see if the choice she made was right or wrong. The woman says one of her friends is from her childhood and local, from Dallas, Texas, while the other is for a college friend and is taking place in Miami, Florida.
She chose to refer to the friends by the places where their weddings were taking place, so Dallas was a childhood friend who was also a college roommate for a year. She said that while the pair do not see each other as much as they used to “it’s just like old times. So many memories. Dallas is also one of the sweetest people in my life”. However, her other friend Miami has become close to her and is part of her main friend group. She also plans the writer’s birthday every year.
The conflicted bridesmaid told fellow Reddit users that she and her college friends all hang out together and all of her girlfriends from college are also bridesmaids for Miami. She said not only is that an issue, but that her husband is friends with their boyfriends/husbands, so he prefers the Florida wedding “by a mile”.
She said: “Miami told me her wedding date first at a group dinner but did not put a deposit. I inform Dallas the next day, who then tells me she was planning for the same day. There isn’t much overlap in the weddings as far as mutual friends; however, me and another girl are bridesmaids for both.
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“After hearing this, Dallas tried to pick the week before Miami’s wedding, but it ended up getting booked. So her only option was the same day as Miami (according to her). Dallas then put the deposit first. She then informed me and my other friend since we were invited to both weddings as bridesmaids. My other friend tells her immediately she’s going to Miami’s wedding because they’re childhood friends.”
She explained that because the other bridesmaid was going to Miami, Dallas hoped that she would go to her wedding, and also since she and Dallas are childhood friends. But the writer said that she explained over the phone that, while her choice was very hard, she had decided to go to Miami’s wedding because she asked first. This left her childhood friend furious and wanting to end their friendship.
The woman added: “Am I an a******? She says she put the deposit first. Miami should change her wedding date. She can’t just call that date without a deposit. I understand her frustration. Two bridesmaids not coming. I said I will make it up to her if I’m still invited to anything wedding-related. But she is so mad at me. Did I make the morally right decision? I would have a major fear of missing out if I missed Miami’s wedding. All my friends are there and she asked me first. But Miami wouldn’t end the friendship if I choose Dallas. They were also both bridesmaids for my own wedding last year.”
Fellow users of the site said that while Dallas had a right to be hurt, she shouldn’t be threatening to end their friendship. One person said: “You can be friends with more than one person and it’s natural to choose the wedding over who you’re closer with, and if that’s Miami there’s nothing wrong about that. Does that warrant to end a friendship? Not if it’s a real friendship.”
And another said: “I have a group of childhood friends and so far we’ve all done the bridesmaid thing for each other. But I basically only see them during these wedding activities and some holidays. If any friend from the crew I’ve been close with in my adult life with who I’m closer too and see frequently had a situation like this, I’d choose the adult friends! Weddings are already kind of taxing and I would prefer to have tons of fun with people I already have fun with.”