Well, it was nice while it lasted.
Humanity had a good run. We made some good stuff: The wheel, The Beatles, the Bernard Matthews Cheese Hamwich.
At least whoever comes next will have a good record of what went wrong and why. Which they can inevitably ignore, as we always have, and make the same mistakes all over again.
In that spirit, here’s five of the most unhinged things Donald Trump, JD Vance and the rest of his gaggle of grinning stooges has unleashed on the world in the last 24 hours.
1. Trump suspended all US military aid to Ukraine
Starting with the big one – Donald Trump last night choked off all military funding for Ukraine until he is happy that Ukraine has demonstrated “a commitment to peace negotiations with Russia.”
It’s really important to be clear about what that means, because it’s not just a matter of everyone calming down and agreeing to a ceasefire or a minerals deal.
Howard Lutnick, Trump’s most excitable cheerleader (and Commerce Secretary), gave a decent outline of where the President wants Zelensky to back down…
“You gotta say, ‘We love America, We appreciate America’ …
“Instead he said, ‘I want $300b in reparations from Russia. I want them off my land. I want all the land.’
“Really! All the land … it’s just way too far. That’s not a peacemaker. That’s a troublemaker.”
JD Vance last night added that there are “details that really matter that we are already working on with the Russians.”
Which brings us to the other big one…
2. JD Vance brands the UK and France ‘random countries who haven’t fought a war in 30 or 40 years’
For those who somehow haven’t seen it this morning… JD Vance has been trying out a new kind of diplomacy.
Speaking to (who else?) Fox News’ giant talking thumb Sean Hannity, Vance dismissed Keir Starmer’s offer of UK and French troops to keep the peace in Ukraine if the war is brought to an end, in probably the most impolite way possible.
He said the offer amounted to: “20,000 troops from some random country that hasn’t fought a war in 30 or 40 years.”
It was swiftly pointed out that both the UK and France have stepped up and got involved in several conflicts during that time – almost always in a war declared by the US – and we’re not a “random” anything, thankyou very much JD.
He’s since half-heartedly tried to walk it back, claiming he never mentioned the UK so couldn’t have been talking about us.
He didn’t say who he was talking about, though. And us and France are the only ones who have offered troops…sooooo…
3. Announced a probably illegal crackdown on protests
Trump had a little out-of-the-blue rant on his Truth Social account about protests, and how the ‘Free Speech President’ wants to use the full weight of the law to crack down on them…
He wrote: “All Federal Funding will STOP for any College, School, or University that allows illegal protests. Agitators will be imprisoned/or permanently sent back to the country from which they came.
“American students will be permanently expelled or, depending on on the crime, arrested. NO MASKS! Thank you for your attention to this matter.”
It’s not immediately clear what protests he was referring to, nor what would constitute an illegal protest.
Nor was it clear on what legal grounds he could stop federal funding – which is controlled by congress – from being sent to educational establishments which allowed such protests to take place.
There are a bunch of local laws in various parts of the US that ban the wearing of masks – many of them dating back to the mid-20th century and intended to stop the violent activities of the Ku Klux Klan…and many of those have been struck down as unconstitutional. There aren’t any national anti-mask laws.
It’s also worth bearing in mind that on January 6, 2021, a pretty big and very clearly illegal “protest” took place in Washington DC. Many of the participants wore masks.
And Trump pardoned almost everyone convicted for crimes they committed at said “protest”.
4. America’s top lawyer is concentrating on the important stuff
Pam Bondi, the Attorney General spent time personally removing portraits of Joe Biden from Government buildings. Redecorating to own the libs, presumably.
She went on: “There are a lot of people in the FBI and also in the DOJ who despise Donald Trump, despise us, don’t want to be there. We will find them.
“Because you have to believe in transparency, you have to believe in honesty, you have to do the right thing. We’re gonna root them out and they will no longer be employed.”
5. And, of course, there were the tariffs
Finally there was the inevitable confirmation that Trump’s long-threatened tariffs of 25% on Canada and Mexico and an extra 10% on China.
It’s all about, he insists, the Chinese Fentanyl coming in across the border. To retaliate in such a way, there must be quite a lot coming in from Canada, right?
Not really. According to official figures, around 19kg of fentanyl was seized at the Northern border in the entire of 2024. About 0.2% of the total seized at the border across the country.
In fact, in February Canadian border officials seized 56.1g of fentanyl coming *into* Canada – compared to just 13.6g seized going the other way into the US the previous month. That’s about the weight of a fun size Twix, or a AAA battery.
That’s right, in the early part of this year, the US had a trade deficit with Canada…on Fentanyl.
Is that because American border officers aren’t good at their jobs? Nah, they managed to find 1134kg of heroin over the course of 2024.
Much more comes in across the southern border from Mexico, but that doesn’t explain why Trump’s shouting at Canada about Fentanyl too. Very odd.
Still, while your brain is reeling about that one, please enjoy this video of Fox News’ stock market ticker tanking as Trump talks about tariffs.
