ASK COLEEN ‘My girlfriend has turned into a nag since we moved in together and I resent her’

Coleen Nolan speaks to a reader who says his partner has had a personality transplant since they took their relationship to the next level

Dear Coleen

I’m a man aged 36 and since moving in with my girlfriend – she’s 28 – I’ve started to feel differently about us.

She’s become really uptight about everything, especially the house. She nags me constantly to do things, but doesn’t seem to do much tidying or cleaning herself. She basically orders me around and tells me off like I’m a naughty kid.

This is the first time we’ve lived together and I was excited about it, but it’s taken all the fun out of our relationship and I’m beginning to resent her. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of years and, up until this point, things have been good, but it’s like she’s had a personality transplant along with moving house.

She invites her friends over all the time, which I don’t mind as I like them, but when it comes to me having my mates over she moans and complains, saying it’s not convenient or they make a mess of the house.

It’s totally over the top. They’re not students – most of them are married with kids. Maybe we’re not right together after all. All I know is, things have felt miserable since we moved in together. Any insight would be helpful.

Coleen says

Living together is a massive test for a relationship, as are­ ­holidays, because it’s when you really get to know someone, warts and all.

When you start living in the same house 24/7 it is different to staying with each other for weekends or overnight, and you’re finding out that maybe you don’t match in certain areas. When you move in with someone, you have to expect to compromise or it’s not going to work.

You have to pick your battles carefully and let the minor things go. You have to start adulting – and it’s hard. At the moment, it sounds like you’re doing all the compromising and she’s very much ruling the roost.

Don’t wait for the next row to talk about it. Sit down together and have a calm conversation and discuss each other’s ­expectations of what living together is and what irritates you on both sides. You need to come up with some boundaries and areas of responsibility that you’re both happy with. Once those are in place, you can get back to focusing on each other and having fun again.

If you think you’re in this relationship for the long haul, then it’s important to sort out these niggles now because if children come along, it adds a whole other level of ­expectation and you need to be on the same page.