Your childhood is likely playing a big role in your decision-making
Your parents’ or guardians’ actions during your childhood could be dictating some major life decisions and mistakes you keep repeating in adulthood. That’s according to Chris Meaden, a trauma specialist.
Chris told The Mirror: “The way you were treated, the things you went through, and even the small moments you barely remember can all leave their mark on your mental health as an adult.”
Boundary issues
Struggling to establish personal boundaries is common, but the anxiety expert points out that the habitual need to appease others just to “keep the peace” often has roots in childhood experience.
The Meaden Clinic founder said: “Maybe you were raised to be a people-pleaser, taught that your needs weren’t as important as everyone else’s. If your parents or caregivers dismissed your feelings, you might have learned that keeping others happy was the only way to feel safe or loved.”
Conflict avoidance
If you’re the type of person who agrees or lets things go simply to avoid a conflict regardless of how you feel in the situation, it might be because your childhood home was “explosive, unpredictable, or scary”, leading you to learn that staying quiet and compliant was the best way to stay safe. Chris explained: “This can carry over into adulthood, making it hard to speak up for yourself, set boundaries, or stand your ground.”
Abandonment fears
Constant fears of being abandoned as an adult could stem from early experiences of instability, like divorce or neglect. The expert emphasises the likelihood of these individuals feeling they’re constantly bracing for things to unravel even when they’re in a healthy, safe space.
Problems with self-worth
Self-worth issues can also arise when parental love is conditional, resulting in adults who perpetually strive for excellence but feel like they constantly fail. They often berate themselves for insignificant mistakes and their inner critic may be particularly harsh. This could also be if they experienced consistent criticism from people they looked up to like parents, teacher or peers and it can be extremely difficult for them to show self-compassion according to the expert.
Toxic relationships
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns, it may not be entirely your fault or simply down to bad luck. As Chris explained: “It could be your brain’s way of repeating what’s familiar. If love in your childhood was tied to instability, criticism, or emotional withdrawal, that kind of relationship might feel more ‘normal’ than a healthy one – even if it’s hurting you.”
Controlling tendencies
If your parents were chaotic and unpredictable, you may have developed a need to control everything during your childhood just to feel safe. This can lead to issues in adulthood, such as struggling to delegate at work, panicking when plans change, or needing everything to be perfect before you can relax.
Being disconnected
Children who learn that showing their emotions could be perceived as weak, annoying or even dangerous may suppress their emotions altogether as a coping mechanism. This can result in depression, difficulty connecting with others in adulthood and struggling to express extreme emotions like crying or excitement.
Unnecessarily strong reactions
Chris noted: “Maybe someone criticises your work and suddenly you feel like a failure, or a partner needing space makes you feel completely abandoned. These big reactions often come from old wounds that never properly healed. Your brain links present situations to past hurts, triggering a much bigger response than the situation calls for.”
Trust issues
An ongoing battle with trust, where you always suspect people might have an agenda or pre-emptively expect them to disappoint you, even when they’ve shown reliability, often has its roots in childhood experiences. Chris pointed out this tends to arise when those we counted on for protection and support during our vulnerable years fell short.
Despite these issues originating from long-passed incidents, Chris reassured us it’s never too late to address them. To prevent your inner child from influencing current decisions, he advised, “Don’t panic.
“Healing childhood wounds isn’t about blaming the past – it’s about understanding how it shaped you, so you can rewrite your story.,” he continued. He advocated for avenues of self-healing like therapy, coaching, journaling, and cultivating self-compassion as starting points, emphasising: “You deserve to heal, and more importantly – you can.”
