Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a worried reader feeling very insecure in her relationship because his previous partner was so good-looking
Dear Coleen
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year, but it’s been a bit rocky.
We’re both in our 20s and I’d liked him for ages, but he had a hot girlfriend, so I didn’t think we’d ever get together.
Then they split up when she went off with someone else, so I went for it – I went to every party, hung out where he hung out, told all his mates I liked him, and it worked.
My problem is, I’m not sure he’s over his ex because he talks about her a lot and it’s driving me insane.
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The other night I lost it with him and said I didn’t want to hear her name again. I know it sounds a bit much, but it’s making me feel second best.
I also worry because I chased him so hard, he’s holding all the power and is in no doubt how much I’m into him.
We’ve split up a couple of times briefly – usually over him talking about his ex or going MIA, drinking with his mates.
I suppose what I’m saying is, I really love this guy, but he knows it and I feel insecure in the relationship. Any tips?
Coleen says
Maybe he does feel that he’s holding all the cards and he’s probably enjoying being adored and worshipped.
Look, I don’t believe in playing games – straight-talking is more my style – but maybe you need to back off a bit, tone down the adoration and have more confidence in yourself. If anything is going to make him run for the hills, it’ll be feeling suffocated and having to constantly reassure you he loves you and he doesn’t want to get back with his ex. It’s very draining.
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Don’t be that person – you’re better than that. Show him that his hot ex means nothing to you and you’re not bothered.
Maybe he talks about his ex because she left him and it’s still bugging him, and maybe he jumped into a relationship with you too quickly and hasn’t been honest about it. Only he has the answers to that.
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But don’t compare yourself to his ex or put yourself down. If he can’t see how great you are and is too busy thinking about his last relationship to enjoy this one, then it’s his loss and you need to move on.
If someone is making you feel clingy and insecure, then they are probably not the right person for you, however attractive you find them.
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